QcCowboy

sorry for the delay in responding (I've been busy wth some work).

I find the rests interesting, but you should be aware they create a bit of a "choppy" effect as well.

You might consider keeping the same basic over-all rhythm but reducing the number of rests (fill in the rests simply with held notes).

I like the way you shifted the rhythmic figure from the 1st beat to the 3rd beat of the 2nd measure, however, I will point out one detail of harmony that might cause a bit of confusion for the listener:

the B natural (measure 2, start of the next repetition of the motif) is the leading tone. As such the ear (in C major) tends to want to hear it as the end of the previous phrase (on the dominant harmony - G). This is accentuated by the fact that measure 3 starts melodically on the tonic (C) even if the harmony is diffferent.

One problem I hear in this melody is that it doesn't seem to be supported by the harmony which accompanies it. Notice how often the melodic tones are "Strangers" to the harmony below them? Notice how often the actual chord tones fall on weak beats or half beats?

This doesn't mean that all melodies MUST be always ON the harmony that accompanies, but you should have a sense that the harmony and melody are really related. Rare are the tonal melodies where the melody is entirely made up of "dissonant" notes.

I also notice that there is a preponderance of appoggiatura (dissonant note on the beat, resolution off the beat). This sounds suspiciously like Howard Shore's score to LotR. For the time being... STOP LISTENING TO MOVIE MUSIC.

how about starting over.
Use the same harmonic frame.
Create a melody that uses motifs (you got the hang of that part).

However, let it be PART of the harmony, and not fighting against it all the time.

You might consider using a few more "wide" intervals. And a few less rests. keep rests for important moments. Too many rests makes the melodic material very fragmented.