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Mark, just looking at the outlines and ignoring anything "musical", very good.
My only concern MIGHT be the sudden shift in density when the clarinet stops playing. but it's a VERY minor concern.
I might have suggested giving the 1st flute a rising line, parallel to the clarinet, just before its entrance... maybe something in 6ths? just to reach that high note instead of it being a sudden entrance ON the beat.
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"Those that know, do;
Those that understand, teach."
-Aristotle-
"toute audace engendrée par l'ignorance cesse d'être une audace et devient une maladresse"
-Debussy-
In musical criticism, when issues of craft and technical consideration are set aside, what remains is more subjective. However, until technical issues are dealt with, the subjective portion bears considerably less weight.
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