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I think the pedal point in the beginning is actually detracting from your sound - I'd suggest have the theme you wrote in the beginning with varying bass notes, THEN use the pedal point to build to a climax. As it is now, the piece seems very unstable harmonically, which is normally an indicator of a climactic moment soon, but then you just go right into the lighter instrumentation section. It just doesn't flow as well as it could, I think.
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