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As Mark pointed out, the 1st trumpet part in your 2nd example is considerably high.
I would recommend you consider "High C" a practical upper limit. When you know some good trumpeters willing to perform your work, then you can start to stretch that upper limit.
A notation thing to "correct" (or rather to discuss): your 2nd and 4th horns, while "low" horns, don't need to be in bass clef. There are not enough ledger lines to warrant it in your examples. Write them all in treble clef, right down to the F below the staff. Only change to a bass clef if there is an extended passage that remains below that (or if the notation would otherwise be much too cluttered.. this is a very difficult decision to take, but will come with experience).
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"Those that know, do;
Those that understand, teach."
-Aristotle-
"toute audace engendrée par l'ignorance cesse d'être une audace et devient une maladresse"
-Debussy-
In musical criticism, when issues of craft and technical consideration are set aside, what remains is more subjective. However, until technical issues are dealt with, the subjective portion bears considerably less weight.
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