Enigmus said a lot of what I was going to point out, but I'll add a few points:
Your score is
sloppy. You need more white space so the elements won't collide. You've only got two staves for the percussion, while it looks like you really need about 5.
When you have instruments divide, be sure to indicate when they are to play in unison again. Use "
div. and "
a2". For the horns, indicate which horns are playing.
Your bassoon parts often go too low for the dynamic you've indicated. The
pppp low Bb in the last measure is fantasy.
You've got trombones on pedal tones. Bad. Acceptable
maybe on the bass trombone, ugly on tenors, ugly and unmanageable in a band setting with multiple players.
Starting at 127, the low brass part is too muddy; it's scored too close together and too low.
The background parts are boring...
you've got too much block rhythm going on and nothing really there to draw the ear. You need to add some interesting counter motion. Adding a tremolo to block chords doesn't make it interesting.
Most of your cues seem out of place or unnecessary.
Your woodwind 'noodles' starting at letter B quickly become tiresome. Break it up, change notes, vary the rhythm, ANYTHING... but don't repeat measure after measure of slurred 16th notes.
The 32nd notes (staring around H) seem out of character with the rest of the piece.
Harmonically, I feel the piece could stand some interesting dissonance. It's too bland for my taste.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnigmusJ4
Are those clarinet tremolos at E supposed to be in time or not in time/counted?
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For woodwind instruments, it's almost universally accepted that the indication would be an unmeasured tremolo.
The pppp and ffff are excessive.
Congrats on the rehearsal/performance! With some additional work this could be good.