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That looks like a great beginning, with nice ideas, and well, definitely Beethoven-inspired. It would be wonderful to hear a performance of it with that orchestra!
I think by working on some details you could make it even more effective in any case. Some things I noticed by glancing through the score:
- Write that your score is in C if it is (which it seems to be). Otherwise transpose the instruments.
- the dynamics in the strings from bar 7 to the fermata (actually until the next tutti fortissimo) seem to be inconsistent. Do the second Violins, Viole and Celli really stay fortissomo all the way until the next fortissimo and only the others go quieter? I understand why you want to keep them loud for longer than the rest of the orchestra, but you need to write when they should diminish.
- Orchestrate your dynamics more. Consider taking away some instruments in bar 8 for example and in all similar passages (maybe the brass). The fortissimo passages will have a much stronger effect if the brass isn't always playing. You could generally consider leaving out the brass (or at least trumpets and trombones) more often. Everything seems a bit thick and heavy, and your solos will sometimes have a hard time coming through (like the clarinet in bar 38).
- And if you have your trumpets play fortissimo from bar 18 (it does seem a bit like overkill) -at least- have your flutes play fortissimo too.
- always indicate how many of an instrument are playing a specific passage, with "a 2" and "solo".
- Are the 16th passages of the strings really all separated without slurs? I personally think many passages would sound better with some well-placed slurs.
- There's no dynamic marking for the woodwinds in bar 68.
- In bar 75 consider either having trombones and trumpets set in not on the first beat but a bit later, or even only in the next bar, to increase the crescendo effect. Or just let the trombones set in and only let the trumpets come in bar 76.
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