Beware: Long Post
it will help though. i think.
I think...in regards to Harmonies, you have neglected the beauty of what John Williams has provided. There are some nice chromatic harmonies in the original score, but you have kind of (and i dont want to be nasty) spoiled them. I mean, you had a nice idea, and I think I liked the theme more than your variations...which is a bit ironic.
What you need to do is sit down and start again (i know, thats a horrid thought)...only if you want to.
Im currently writing variations to the infamous 'Chopsticks' and 'Mexican Hat Dance', and to be honest, about a year ago I would have written them like you. Hear me out though: I didnt realise the full potential of harmonies and chord progressions a year ago, and I think that you are in the same predicament - at least, with this piece. There is so much you could do with this theme which I don't think you realised, and thats ok - trial and error is the best way to become a good composer.
Your pianistic writing is a bit, meh...non interesting, but again...something that you will need to develop.
Do you play the piano?
TIPS AND ADVICE:- Start again.
- Look at these Theme and Variation pieces:
- Take motifs from the original theme: even little sections like the 'Dotted Quaver to Semiquaver' (the 'skip) straight after the pickup can become an entire variation.
- The variations do not always have to sound identical to the original theme and they don't even have to be the same length.
- Break it up into sections. At the moment, I would consider it a Rhapsody...because it just keeps flowing. Sure, there are T&V pieces out there that just continuously flow from one Var. to the next...but they ARE Variations...at the moment I am hearing entirely new themes.
- Don't give up! This is most important. So far I can see that you have some talent that needs developing. Ive never recieved a composition lesson in my life (give or take Senior Music...but we learnt dumb Pop songs in there). It is all a growth, and it is possible to get yourself to a high enough standard on your own...just take advice from dead composers by looking at how they did it. They have left behind great resources to help us compose.