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Yeah, listen to Mich more than me lol, but I've personally always had a bit of a good thing going with crescendos, and changing parts gradually is the key. For example you go from mp to f all at once, you might want to try putting a hairpin on the violin II staff to make the increase more gradual.
At the very least you need to put a hairpin on Vln I I think, because that cuts in far too suddenly. Start it off quiter, and increase it over a couple of bars to make the transition smoother.
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