The concept for the song is pretty cool.
The lyrics are unpredictable, which is good.
But they're also somewhat cheesy, which usually isn't good.
Maybe you can get your hands on a rhyming dictionary, but try to come up with lines that no one's ever really thought of before. For example:
That must be her again
She's leaning on my bell
That cold psychotic ring
The one I know so well
So I'm nailed to the floor in the no-option zone
There's about zero chance she'll give up and go home
Suggestion: read some Edgar Allen Poe or something, listen to some Steely Dan, The Beatles, and think about it.
~Kal
_Hey, i just noticed how that 'city' line works, Pangloss. The stress is on "rock," so it would be like rockcity, similar to rhapsody. Which I think is pretty clever. KUDOS for that line....
