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I like the lyrics, but you NEED a bridge! For one thing, we need a little more clarification on what the relationship in the song is and what the circumstance is. These words probably sound like musical theatre terms, but that's because I come from an MT background. You keep giving us these new ideas, but nothing solid. It's intriguing at first, and it's good when you add the "never look back," as cliched as the phrase is, because it adds a sense of urgency to the piece. But on the whole I can't care, and the singer won't be able to make me care without something to fully commit to. You don't have to say it explicitly, but you need to give a little more, because right now your song isn't about anything.
Another good reason for a bridge: musically, it gets boring. It seems to be that there are three verses to the song, each verse is four couplets? But there's hardly any variation among the couplets, and so there's hardly any variation among the verses. I'm sure there's a way to make that work, to give the music a drive, but right now, it doesn't. And try to give the song some more interesting harmonies. The same patterns over and over will simply bore us. It's good that you change up the groove from verse to verse, but it's all still based in the same "chug, chug, chug" of the bass line.
The simple inclusion of a bridge will help a lot of these problems enormously, but I think the verses need more to sustain us. Find places for some harmonic surprises, and play a little more with specifics in the lyrics.
It's a really good idea, but it gets monotonous and it lacks the specificity to keep an audience engaged.
I look forward to seeing where it goes.
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~David
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