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This is a great piece, it's just such a shame the singers (who had beautiful voices, by the way) had such insecure intonation.
I think I see a number of spots where you get a sense that there wasn't quite enough time given for the "acting" to happen... the singers seem to rush to catch up to the music. With a tiny rewrite the bumps could easily be fixed.
This sort of thing happens mostly where the singers had spoken interjections. They rush to catch up and start singing again.
There are a few spots where I don't particularly like the prosody... a bit too "pop song"-ish. I prefer a more natural spoken rhythm.
I love the harmony, it works beautifully. I think the instrumentation could use a tiny bit more subtlety. The whole "chordal" piano part gets a tiny bit stale as the piece advances.
This is a great beginning, I hope you get the chance to rework it and get a performance with singers who are more up to the task.
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"Those that know, do;
Those that understand, teach."
-Aristotle-
"toute audace engendrée par l'ignorance cesse d'être une audace et devient une maladresse"
-Debussy-
In musical criticism, when issues of craft and technical consideration are set aside, what remains is more subjective. However, until technical issues are dealt with, the subjective portion bears considerably less weight.
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