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Okay,
There's some interesting material here, you just don't develop it much.
The first bit works as an into, cool - I wanted to hear a good solid melody come in, which never really happened. There's not a clear direction where you're going - there's chunks of ideas, which don't flow well from one to another... The whole thing is a bit ADD...
The building blocks are there, you just need to figure out how to develop and build on them.
Do you listen to much jazz?
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