robinjessome

Intended or not, your piece does go somewhere...just not as far as I had hoped it might. Either way, why not intend for it to go somewhere? Not necessarily build to a climax, per se. But to build and develop it...

If you do nothing - leave it static and flat, then there's nothing to keep the listener invested, and they'll soon lose interest.

I don't think the bongo groove is helping - BUT, any percussionist will do something to keep the energy moving... The same with your piano & bass parts, they're too static and homogenous that they do nothing to prop up the melody.

For the piano part, a decent player will get the idea from the first 4 measures. Giving them the changes and the direction "simile, vamp" they'll know what to do, and you'll get hipper rhythms and voicings

I think the sections have potential, but the way you've tacked them together is a bit odd.

I think the little ascending interludey thing does more to break up the energy than to maintain it. You lose forward momentum. The key change does the same thing, trips up your energy and makes the listener go "oh...that was weird" . It just in the way things are (or are not) prepared, and perhaps with a competent rhythm section setting things up better it'll work fine.

Take all this with a grain of salt - this is only what I hear, as I hear it.


Of course you did, you just didn't know it. BUT, I think more listening experience will show you what works and why...give it about 15 years or so