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Old Jun 13 2008, 1:39 AM
J. Lee Graham J. Lee Graham is offline

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Oh my! Isn't this nice! The form and character are perfect, and it reminds me of the early keyboard minuets of Mozart, as well as some early Latin American music.

Some really lovely surprises in this piece, particularly in the second strophe - namely the deceptive cadence in B minor, and the chromaticism both leading up to it and just after it before you tie it up in a bow with that lovely little flourish into the cadence. Very imaginative.

If I may, I'd like to make some suggestions and admonitions.

There are a few things I think you could have done better. For example, I think the bass line in the first four measures of the second strophe could have been a bit more imaginative and even melodic; there is a time and place for repeated notes in the bass, but not at this point, and not really in a piece like this where two parts have to imply a whole harmonic structure. I'd have done something like this:



Not saying you have to do it, but just throwing it out there. Note how in the second measure of the example there is a point of imitation in the bass, following what the treble had just done. This sort of thing is very desirable.

Another place where there is a problem - actually an error according to traditional harmony - is in measure 7 (first strophe), where you have an incident of hidden parallel octaves from beat 1 to beat 2. Here is what you have written (measures 5 through 8, first strophe):



Notice how in measure 3 of the example the 2nd quaver of beat 1 in the treble and the crotchet on beat 1 of the bass both move from E to D. This is parallel octaves and is forbidden in traditional harmony - particularly in a style like this. I'm assuming you'd rather not do something forbidden if you're writing this traditionally.

One of many ways you might get out of a situation like this, even a little artistically:



In measure 1 of the example I made a minor alteration in the bass to set this up better, changing the A on beat 3 to a B. The descending scale in the bass in measure 2 of the example, in contrary motion with the treble, is something very desirable, and the melody and overall harmonic character you intended are preserved. Again, I'm not suggesting that you do this, but that you keep it in mind for the future. Watch your voice leading, and you'd do well to remember that parallel octaves and fifths are to be avoided in this style.

Very nice!
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