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I love the concept! I think it's amazing, and I think I'm really gonna like the song when it's done. I also really like the use of the identity in the first verse. It seems like you're trying to use it as a rhyme in the second, and it's a weak rhyme which also weakens the lyric. I'm assuming the stresses land on "the PAssion YOU give ME" when we would normally say "the PAssion you GIVE me." Also, "me" and "need" don't rhyme. I think that using identities there, the same way you did in the first verse, could really strengthen the song.
Also, simply the lyric "The passion you give me," confuses me. It seems in the first verse that whoever you are singing to does not love you back, but that lyric then suggests that the person does. It could be clearer, and that will also strengthen your song.
But I really really like the concept and I look forward to seeing where it goes.
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~David
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