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I agree with a lot of the points Jubilee makes. The mere fact that I thought one thing and Jubilee thought another means that the lyric is unclear.
Think of each verse as a clear progression from one to the next giving the audience just the amount of information they need to understand the story you're telling. You might want to write it out saying "Verse 1 says this," then "Verse 2 says that," then "the Bridge says such-and-such," etc. When you know exactly what information to leak when, it will make it much easier for the audience to understand, and you won't have contradictions in your lyric.
Also, I'd love to hear what the music sounds like.
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~David
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