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Old Jun 23 2008, 1:38 PM
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Well, first off, clean up the score some. You should group up the rests, rather than have all those 8th rests flyin' around for no reason. It's fine if your rhythm is extremely complex that you need to single out the rests otherwise nobody can coordinate, but here it's relatively easy. (I mean like, measure 29, for example.)

Also, remember that dynamics are important. Write them. The bulk of the piece after the beginning is all in mf! It's an important aspect, try to work with it. For example, measure 28-29 make me think of a diminuendo/decrescendo, but since you didn't write anything...

As for what you wrote. Well, be careful using rests, since you can alter the overall flow of the piece considerably if you're using them more than just general pauses. Here you've introduced an entirely different harmonic/rhythmic contrast which I think isn't necessarily bad, but it's a little spaced out.

Consider if maybe you can stick to the idea you present in measure 28-29 until 31 or so. I can see the whole simplification to a single small figure and from that building up, but for the effect to really sink in maybe you can play a little more when the bassoon and clarinet doing the duet.

Another thing is that maybe that super-simplification comes very harsh and sudden in measure 28. If you wanted that, alright. But if not, maybe you want to progressively "take things out" until you're left with that small motive. Or, increase the contrast by complicating the harmony/chromatic to the point where you get dissonance/polyrhythmics and THEN suddenly jump to the simplification. Just as in idea.

What the simplification probably shouldn't sound like is like you forgot to write the rest of the voices. That's why I suggest sticking with the clarinet+bassoon duet a little more and developing it, so that it's clear that the Oboe isn't so much "missing" as it's simply not needed. Dig?

Unless, of course, you intended that specific effect. :>

So, looking good so far. What are you going to do next? It's a pretty big change what you're doing there considering the upbeat-jumpy character of what came before. Remember it's also OK to completely break the jumpy/staccato figures and work a little outside of rhythm with long notes and dissonances. It'd give it an even sharper contrast and a different character altogether (even if you work with the same motives.)

Also remember you can make use of tempo changes, and so on. Accents, too.

And well, my other recommendations are still valid from my previous posts. I'm looking forwards to see what you do with this.