Quote:
Originally Posted by Christopher Dunn-Rankin
I've tried to convey a slight sense of accomplishment or pride through the key-change back to Eb from Db at "but I kept my head up straight" - but I'm not sure what kind of musicalization you're talking about. Can you clarify?
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I suppose what I'm saying is that theatrically, we want to watch something happen, not hear about it. I can't imagine that it's a purely intellectual response when she realizes for what seems like the first time that there's something special and attractive about her. It's the "I'm a pretty girl, Momma," moment.
It's a lovely story, and you tell in with beautiful language, but you left out the climax of the story. I'm also a professional storyteller, and if you were in one of my classes with this, I'd tell you that you created a beautiful stasis, a wonderful complication, but you got to the falling action/resolution before we could enjoy the climax of the story.