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I'll muse a bit on the concept of using "made-up" vocal sounds in a piece of music, and the practical considerations for notating it, hopefully to somebody's benefit.
When trying to convey sounds of this kind through a score, it is absolutely necessary that your orthography is consistent and unambiguous; it is also highly desirable that it's efficient (there's one dedicated and unambiguous symbol or string of symbols for each phoneme), and it is helpful if it's familiar to prospective readers (like IPA, or a well-constructed derivative of a known language's writing system). If it is not perfectly familiar (in the sense that the exact realization is clear to any reader--even if it requires going to the library for a minute, like IPA to most people), you absolutely must explain what every symbol means, and any other peculiarities necessary to realize your score. Take some time to think about these points.
Make sure that, in the process of writing, you are conceiving of the sounds first, and then finding the most effective way of transcribing it into writing. Do not fall for the temptation to make up written words that look cool, but leave you doubting as to their exact pronunciation. Keep in mind that the writing is only there to tell the performer what, exactly, his oral cavity should be doing. Any emotional or associative meaning should come from the sound itself, not the look of your score.
The above is quite general, but having looked at your text, I have some specifics as well:
1. First and foremost, it's not nearly familiar enough (to use my ad hoc terminology from above) not to require a legend. If you like, I can further elaborate on all the seeming inconsistencies, ambiguities or unfamiliarities I see, but that can wait for now, and in the remaining points I'll stick to a couple of obvious ones. If you provide a more detailed explanation, I could comment it.
2. You use the r with caron (ř) quite a bit. Now, this is letter that AFAIK only occurs in Czech, and represents a sound (some sort of cross between a fricative and a trill that I genuinely don't understand as of yet) that also occurs pretty much only in Czech. Is that the sound you intend? It seems to be leaps and bounds away from everything else as far as ease of pronunciation goes, in that case.
3. You use multiple letters quite a bit (from two to nearly fifteen). My guess is that it represents in writing the rhythms you intend... is it going to look like that in the score? If not, it's hard to see from your current text which doublings (and more) mean something and which don't.
4. There's an asterisk in there. Mistake?
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