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Hey! I like your piece; i think it would be fun to play (esp. the bass part, and that's saying a lot, since i usually hate playing bass clarinet). The mood and language of the piece are really cool. I just had three gripes:
1. I agree that it could stand some variety, but i'm not sure that you need a contrasting middle section. What i do think you should do, however, is think about range a lot more.
Your writing keeps all three of your performers hugging the throat tones (i know it's not all throat tones, but a large percentage of it is). For folks not familiar with what i mean, the throat tones are from written middle-of-staff Bb, which is the worst note, to the D or so below that. They completely SUCK on clarinet; the tone is thin, intonation goes away when you try to play loud. Speaking as a clarinetist, they just sound stupid.
Anywho, rant over. MonteCristo, why not have a phrase or two where you just have eighth notes seething in a low register. If you want things to be fortissimo, use the shrill higher register. The first entrance of the 2nd clarinet enters on throat Bb at fortissimo. This is either going to be really flat or weak-sounding, or perhaps both. I'm guessing that this is not what you want. Why not put it up an octave?
And more (and more purposeful) development of range might make it sound less "incidental". You have a fairly constant texture, and fairly uniform melodic/harmonic content, and stay at a pretty loud dynamic throughout. To make it sound less like background music, you have to develop something, and range (maybe in conjunction with dynamics) would be a good thing to develop.
Or you could add a middle section, but it would have to contrast somehow, or it wouldn't help any. And i'm not sure what this piece needs is big contrast; just more contour. But that's just my opinion.
2. THERE'S NOWHERE TO BREATHE. Ummmm... yeah. Maybe you should think about thinning out the texture in places (at the same time giving a chance to breathe)
3. Please put in some basic articulations. If you gave this to 3 trios, you would get three completely different styles of articulation. One group might play it completely stacatto, one might play all slurred, you get the idea...
Good piece! It just needs a bit of work. Sorry, i tend to type a lot; i hope i didn't come across as too critical. I really like the piece and think it would be a lot of fun to play.
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