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I really enjoyed it! Here are some of my feelings:
First off, the score stopped before the song ended, so I had to stop reading along, but there are a few very technical things. PLEASE utilize an 8va marking where you get into such high ledger lines. I'd even say at the beginning you might want to have two treble clefs instead of a treble and a bass. Also, the section in the piano with all of the triplets... since no one else is doing anything there and it's ALL triplets, you might want to consider putting that part in 12/8 instead, and playing with the tempo a little. And, please mark on the music which part is which. I was able to figure it out, but it's easier if everything is written out in score format, rather than four piano parts.
As far as the actual music goes:
For a good while you've got just the piano going, which is nice, but your other two (specifically your strings) sit there for a long time. Perhaps a violin obligato might make some of the earlier parts a little richer. Especially since when the strings finally do come in, all they do is mirror the piano. It makes for a bigger sound, and certainly the sound of the strings is very nice, but you could play with harmonies and counterpoints a little there to make it a full sound, instead of just a big sound. Particularly when you have all three going simultaneously, you really don't want them all doing the same thing. Then it's just a big version of the same sounds we've already heard the piano do. When you bring in more instruments (we'll refer to the voice as an instrument here) you have the possibility of doing so much for to fill out the sound, and layer the motifs, and play with the harmonies. I suggest you try some of this to make it more satisfying for the listener.
And, I assume the singers will be singing "ah"? There were no lyrics written in, so I just imagined they're there for the tone of the voice, not to be singing lyrics.
Hope this was helpful!
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~David
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