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Morgri -
As tthis an old post I wonfder if you ever finished it. Did you?
My only suggest - trust the material you had at the start. You do a great job revealing the theme and using the ostinato. The second theme belongs to a different movement and the chromatic descents don't belong as it stands. If you haven't done so, mess around with your A section. Or develop the ostinato into something else -- example is the third piece from Debussy's Images -- he creates a great B section with tremelos around chords.
But the A sections is very good -- love the 7/16 rhythmns!
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