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Hello!
I think this piece has some really good material in there.
That said, don't go too over-board with the repeats. At times this piece becomes a bit pedantic, especially in the longer sections without any particular melody. One of these is the introduction, where introducing each part layer by layer seemed a bit cliched and uninspired. 8 bars just seemed a bit long, and also an expected number of measures before a change.
I apologise if I'm being too harsh. I really think this is a good piece, it could just use some editing. I liked your melodic material a great deal, and it fits really well with the rhythmic material underneath. I also think that you convey this journey really well!
Your idea of expressing the dynamics through rough descriptions is very good. But I don't think you should use them ALL the time. In a piece like this, it's fantastic. But you have to be wary of sacrificing control of a piece to the conductor's/performer's interpretation. But, as I said, in this piece, I think it's great.
Anyway, again, I hope I don't come across as being rude and/or over-critical and also hope the criticism I've given is useful! Keep working on this piece, because there's some really great material in there!
Best wishes,
Michael.
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