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Although it isn't my favourite genre, I quite liked the piece. Well done with only 3 instruments. Have you some real-life players in mind? Because I think it would come over a lot better that Midi! but you'd have to sort out just a couple of practicalities (I reckon) where it gets a bit out of hand.
With anything other than Midi (unless you care to edit the list) dynamics could play a greater part in the effectiveness of this work.
cheers,
M
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