Well, it actually does work well for what it is. I was (at first) a bit skeptical with the smooth-jazz intro, and the jazz-rock-fusion thing really isn't my bag. BUT, all things considered there's nothing odd about it.
I know you're not a pianist, so I won't rag on the lame voicings
, and you'd need a decent sax player to keep it from getting honky on the high stuff (the bridge especially)...
The groove is cool, would be fun to blow over the vamp...overall, a nicely worked out arrangement, very original.
...nice job.
...