Nightingale Incorporated

It's a very interesting piece. I hear it more as a madrigal setting than anything else. It could be the meter and the polyphonic phrasing that gives it that feeling. If that is the intended style, then I would suggest speeding it up a little bit at all the verses, but keeping it slow and majestic through the "chorus" part. I think if reworked a little it could be presented as a modern madrigal with certain chord structures from the 21st century.

The text itself is very well set, but the rhythmic aspect of this piece is extremely complex. A small ensemble of talented and well-trained singers will give a good performance of this piece, but a large group will have a hard time staying in sync with the heavily syncopated meter you've layed out for them. Just reading through the music gave me certain concerns about phrasing.

There is a lot of emphasis on the weak beat in the 12/8 section. The 2nd and 3rd beats make comfortable passing beats, but you seem to linger on them and place fairly important words of the phrase on them. This is a technique I would use sparingly, and as a technique. A singer will have a harder time singing a rhythm he doesn't understand. The language has to flow smoothly or else the text has no strength.

I find, typically, that most, if not all songs can be separated in three different categories:

-Emphasis on Text
-Emphasis on Melody/Harmony
-Emphasis on Rhythm

Ask yourself which category you think is most important for this piece, and then what you can do to help it along to be stronger.

In my opinion, a text as powerful as the one you've chosen makes this a strong text piece, but your prosidy is hindering it's success rather than helping it.