'Afternoon Walk' and 'The Slave Driver'

Hey all,

Wrote these two pieces today - or at least the beginning of some pieces. Pretty sure they aren't chamber pieces but for some reason I didn't want to call them orchestral. Either way, just having a bit of fun with some musical ideas and harmonies and seeing if it comes together. Please comment if you listen.

Regards

Pravin

Hey all,

Decided to update this piece. Harmonies are still a bit off, and theres a section I think I could exploit the melody a little more, but I'm a lot happier with this, especially the second section. I hope this piece is a lot more evocative of imagery than my other ones, because this is the first time I'm actually trying to depict a scene. Either way, it may not translate. Please comment!

Hey, nice!

I like both of these very much, especially "afternoon walk." I'm pressed for time so I'll make this short.

In Slave Driver, I think your imagery is good. I didn't think your melodies were very original or creative, with a lot of returning to the tonic note. This most likely was intentional, and it gives it a sort of...spontaneous feel. A very gypsy spontaneous feel.

The low grumble motif at the beginning is good. Laborious, heavy, monotonous. Slave driving, of course. Not sure if you still had that at the end. It's as if the song ends while the slaves are on break.

As for Afternoon Walk, I think you could use some more dissonance and leading tones. Right now it's a bit stale. Make the melody and harmony pull at each other, rather than go in stride. I think that would ultimately make the piece more enjoyable and interesting to listen to.

Are these supposed to tell a story, or play in the background while a story is told? If this is supposed to be background music, feel free to make it boring. Don't want it to interrupt the scene. But if this is the story itself, see if you can give it a little more depth and flavor.

Hope this helps! Nothing too technical. I really enjoyed both of these.

Cheers,
Evan

Thanks, Evan! Very informative comments I'll take them all on board. There are a few things which confuse me though - you say I should make the melodies and harmonies pull at each other - what exactly do you mean by this? Also, you suggest I use more dissonance - to be honest, I rarely use dissonance, because I'm still not tutored enough on how to use it effectively, but I'm beginning to get the confidence to try, so if I come back to edit the work, I will definitely try out your suggestions. Another thing I'm not sure of yet, is how to create interesting melodies...my theory is still very bare, so I wouldn't know how to shift keys precisely to create a different effect - normally I get my melodies by a little bit of ingenuity and a LOT of trial and error. I'm hoping to tip the scales the other way when I educate myself more

Also, the afternoon walk really isn't trying to tell a story, more paint a scene - dimming sun, perhaps a large open field that is surrounded by some oaktrees, covered in autumnal leaves, crisp, cold air, but not too biting; and solitary, but still, thoughtful. I tried to keep that/an image in my mind while I compose so I don't stray too far from my idea of what the music should sound like. Nevertheless, its background music if anything. The second piece is more like a story - my first real attempt at a story actually.

In regards to Slave Driver - yes, the second section, which is only half complete, is the slaves on revolt. So if you can sense the energy rising, or being different, I suppose thats a good thing. It will end with a return to the first theme, or some of them at least, but will end up with the slave driver now the oppressed one, something of a Hegelian inversion Anyway, it was just a bit of fun I had this afternoon and I'm glad you enjoyed it! All the best,


Pravin.

These are cool! "Slave Driver" almost sounds like sound track, or video game type music to me. It reminds of a video game I play that has an Egyptian tomb in it. Very cool! It made me think of exactly what the title says...slave driving, or hard work.

Very nice, keep it up!