I'll return for you

Hi to everybody, this is my first post in this forum (but I'm reading it for about a month) and this topic is about my first composition for piano: I'll Return for You. I finished composing it 10 minutes ago, and I want your feedback before I show it to the world....

The music is about 2 lovers, that are separated and he tells her that their love is so strong that he knows he will return for her, no matter what obstacles he will find (I'll make some lyrics later...). It's a small music (2:26) that maybe is suitable for games or films.

Well, here's the midi file (anyone knows a good file/mp3 free hosting server to share the mp3 version of the music?):

[attachmentid=1381]

I rather enjoyed your melodic line. That was quite well done I thought. I conveyed a sense of a harmony by itself, and maintained a rhythmic integrity. Very nice job at that. From measures 20 to 30 you use too many block chords, and it ruins the melodic feel of the passage. Break the chords up a bit with arrpegios or something to make them moreinteresting to the ear. You want more romance here, not banging notes.

Last night I was playing Christmas Carols at a Party. I was playing the piano, and being the lousy sight-reader that I am, I played only the melodic line while everybody else sang. But that was all they needed, the melodic line. When it is strong enough, that is all you need. I think your melodic line here has that kind of strength.

I rather enjoyed your melodic line. That was quite well done I thought. I conveyed a sense of a harmony by itself, and maintained a rhythmic integrity. Very nice job at that. From measures 20 to 30 you use too many block chords, and it ruins the melodic feel of the passage. Break the chords up a bit with arrpegios or something to make them moreinteresting to the ear. You want more romance here, not banging notes.

Last night I was playing Christmas Carols at a Party. I was playing the piano, and being the lousy sight-reader that I am, I played only the melodic line while everybody else sang. But that was all they needed, the melodic line. When it is strong enough, that is all you need. I think your melodic line here has that kind of strength.

Thanks for the comments (I only noticed now, sorry )
I've made a second version of the song, few days after the first version. The only changes are some "chord rolls" at the end (to embellish the music) and some minor fixes. However I didn't changed the 20-30 measures chords, but I think you're right. Maybe tomorrow I'll post the definitive version of the song

Here is the second version, slightly improved (MIDI + MUS).

Sounds like this is MIDI-recorded improvisation to me. The expression in the MIDI file suggests that, anyway, and the song seemed more improvised than structured. Your melody's good, but often the accompaniment falls apart and provides no sense of movement. Overall, a very good start, and you're grasping some concepts young composers usually have a hard time with. Some areas you can improve in:

+ Harmonic progression. Study what progressions are most common (up by 2nd, down by 3rd, down by 5th, and the retrogressions) and practice using them.
+ Idiomatic piano accompaniment. Listen to LOTS of solo piano works, preferably with the sheet music in front of you, or play lots of piano works, and pay attention to what's done in the left hand, or the right hand if the left hand has the melody.
+ Melodic variation. Your melody may be strong, but it isn't seen strongly enough here. Distill what seems to be your MAIN melody out of it, then see how you can vary that while still retaining the melody itself. This one's hard, and takes much experience.

Good luck to you!

EDIT: My favorite measures were 8-10.

I heard what I think is the main melody in the first 15 seconds of the piece it repeats itself at 1:10; its a beautiful melody. I agree that different chords, and modifying the left hand part though would really being out the melody, and the beauty of the piece.

Well, here's the midi file (anyone knows a good file/mp3 free hosting server to share the mp3 version of the music?):

You can upload your MP3s free at

www.soundclick.com

Quite a few composers here use SoundClick.

Cheers, and keep working!

Sounds like this is MIDI-recorded improvisation to me. The expression in the MIDI file suggests that, anyway, and the song seemed more improvised than structured. Your melody's good, but often the accompaniment falls apart and provides no sense of movement. Overall, a very good start, and you're grasping some concepts young composers usually have a hard time with. Some areas you can improve in:

+ Harmonic progression. Study what progressions are most common (up by 2nd, down by 3rd, down by 5th, and the retrogressions) and practice using them.
+ Idiomatic piano accompaniment. Listen to LOTS of solo piano works, preferably with the sheet music in front of you, or play lots of piano works, and pay attention to what's done in the left hand, or the right hand if the left hand has the melody.
+ Melodic variation. Your melody may be strong, but it isn't seen strongly enough here. Distill what seems to be your MAIN melody out of it, then see how you can vary that while still retaining the melody itself. This one's hard, and takes much experience.

Good luck to you!

EDIT: My favorite measures were 8-10.

Thanks for the comments.
First of all it wasn't a recorded variaton. Heck, I don't even have a MIDI recorder. I used only Point-and-Click, but I agree with you. In first place I had 2 melodies that were similar the one that begins the song and the one at the middle (1:09). Then I kind of improvised something to connect them. It didn't turn out bad in some parts, but I agree that other parts are quite unconvincing
. Like I said in another post, I don't really have a problem in writing melodies but I do have a serious problem with harmonics and accompaniment. I'm now studying chord progressions and several piano works to see what fits best in what kind of situation.

Guess you spotted my weak points

I heard what I think is the main melody in the first 15 seconds of the piece it repeats itself at 1:10; its a beautiful melody. I agree that different chords, and modifying the left hand part though would really being out the melody, and the beauty of the piece.
You can upload your MP3s free at

www.soundclick.com

Quite a few composers here use SoundClick.

Cheers, and keep working!

Thanks for the comments and the website

Just to say that an MP3 version is out at Soundclick.com (thanks tweak187). Well, the only difference is the quality of the piano sound (more soft) but to finale users it will be the same

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...?bandID=463298