I think this goes in this forum

Here's a song called "No matter what you might hear." I think it goes in this forum, as it certainly doesn't seem to fit any of the other categories. It's not jazz or rock, but it's probably accurate to call it "pop." I can imagine something like it (but much much better of course) being played on an Indie station.

It has lyrics. Such as they are, they are as follows:

And when I tell you to run,
you must run. You must run.

And when I tell you to go,
you must go. You must run.

No matter what you might see,
you must run. You must run.

No matter what you might hear,
you must run.

-----

No matter what they might say,
you must go. You must run.

No matter what I might say,
you must run. You must run.

And if I say to come back,
you must not. You must run.

No matter what you might hear,
you must run.

----

Now when I tell you to run,
you must go. You must run.

Must run and never look back.
You must run.

Must run and never come back.
You must go. You must run.

No matter what you might hear,
you must go.
You must run.

I've included a "score" in NWC as well as the MIDI file. I put scare quotes around "score" because I generally use NWC just as a way to command the computer, not so much as a way to record a song for performance.

Tell me what, if anything, you think.

(Among many other things, I'm curious to know what you think is going on--who's the speaker, who are they talking to, what's the situation, and so on. It is not important that anyone get it "right"--there's no such thing in this case IMO--but I'm curious to know what people's impressions are.)

-Kris

I can't read the word "must" without a bad taste in my mouth anymore.

Anyway, it seems like those lyrics work for your song, but your song was pretty static for the most part. Yeah You made it sound a bit cool as the verses ended, but the bridges were pretty weak and boring.

I think if you add more variety into your rhythm it might have been able to keep my attention longer and I wouldn't have this fucking urge to murder the next person I see.

I like the lyrics, but you NEED a bridge! For one thing, we need a little more clarification on what the relationship in the song is and what the circumstance is. These words probably sound like musical theatre terms, but that's because I come from an MT background. You keep giving us these new ideas, but nothing solid. It's intriguing at first, and it's good when you add the "never look back," as cliched as the phrase is, because it adds a sense of urgency to the piece. But on the whole I can't care, and the singer won't be able to make me care without something to fully commit to. You don't have to say it explicitly, but you need to give a little more, because right now your song isn't about anything.

Another good reason for a bridge: musically, it gets boring. It seems to be that there are three verses to the song, each verse is four couplets? But there's hardly any variation among the couplets, and so there's hardly any variation among the verses. I'm sure there's a way to make that work, to give the music a drive, but right now, it doesn't. And try to give the song some more interesting harmonies. The same patterns over and over will simply bore us. It's good that you change up the groove from verse to verse, but it's all still based in the same "chug, chug, chug" of the bass line.

The simple inclusion of a bridge will help a lot of these problems enormously, but I think the verses need more to sustain us. Find places for some harmonic surprises, and play a little more with specifics in the lyrics.

It's a really good idea, but it gets monotonous and it lacks the specificity to keep an audience engaged.

I look forward to seeing where it goes.