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I, for one, get bored if the rhymes become too repetitive. Since your rhymes in the first verse (wow and now twice) don't seem to really have anything to do with the actual lyric, why don't you try to go with a different rhyme for that verse, especially since "-ow" is the main rhyme for your pre-chorus.
In the second verse I could go into all sorts of details about the rhymes, but what you're doing is cute, so it doesn't really hurt. However, "city" does not have emphasis on the "ee" part, which is where you're trying to rhyme it. Either the last line of that won't rhyme, or the word "city" will be unintelligible if you force the word to make it rhyme.
Why does the potential "century" rhyme in the pre-chorus go away? Think of all of the fun you could have with that rhyme! "Penitentiary" comes to mind immediately. It might be the kind of thing where the pre-chorus stays the same every time, except for the "century" rhyme, which is a fun way to get the listener into "chorus" mode, but also keep them on their toes.
I can't tell if the chorus is good or not without hearing the music.
I think what you've got is good to ride you through a song. Maybe more clever quips and social statements. Beware of making it a "list" song. If you're just listing your favorite artists, it will get boring. It seems like you have something to say about it, so make sure you get that in your lyric. Don't take it for granted that your audience agrees with you, try to really convince them that this music wasn't junk like everyone may have said it was back then. Cite the longevity the artists have had, cite the power that the music had on its people.
The 80s is up next in your lyric. I know a lot of people think 80s rock sucked. Do you? What about some not-so mainstream bands in the 80s that may have done better material and didn't get recognized?
And why doesn't the song start in the 50s? Wouldn't that be more appropriate? Maybe bring in some reference to its descent from jazz and the blues.
You're going to need a bridge, maybe two, to take us out of the straight historical thing. That would be a good time to get some philosophizing in. Where does R&B or hip-hop land in the grand scheme of this? What about Rock 'n' Roll's predecessors? Where do you think it's possibly headed? And please, please, PLEASE mix up the rhyme scheme a little in the bridge. I understand that the drive of this song lends itself to an "AAAA" scheme, but if you go with a more retrospective bridge, that lends itself to something more complex, even if it's "ABAB." Also, writing more complex rhymes forces you to think further ahead in the lyric, and your lyric won't sound like it rambles on aimlessly, but will have more cohesive statements and therefore have a greater impact.
I think this is a cool idea for a song, but make sure it doesn't fall into the category of sappy nostalgia. I think you have something to say about today and right now, and make sure the song is relevant. Otherwise it will be charming for a bit and then disappear.
Hope this helps!
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~David
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Apr 28 2008, 10:46 PM
Linear Mode
