New piano rock song :Why I Love you?

Why I love you?

I want you to get to know
The reason you don't know
Why I love you

Why I always need
The passion you give me
Why I love you

The kiss that you gave me
What a miss that would be

not finished

I love the concept! I think it's amazing, and I think I'm really gonna like the song when it's done. I also really like the use of the identity in the first verse. It seems like you're trying to use it as a rhyme in the second, and it's a weak rhyme which also weakens the lyric. I'm assuming the stresses land on "the PAssion YOU give ME" when we would normally say "the PAssion you GIVE me." Also, "me" and "need" don't rhyme. I think that using identities there, the same way you did in the first verse, could really strengthen the song.

Also, simply the lyric "The passion you give me," confuses me. It seems in the first verse that whoever you are singing to does not love you back, but that lyric then suggests that the person does. It could be clearer, and that will also strengthen your song.

But I really really like the concept and I look forward to seeing where it goes.

I don't think you are a raconteur in any fashion, but I am intrigued.

Here's my opinion:

I find your first verse bulky. It may or may not work, I am not a person to say so or not, but reading it sounds bulky and when I try to sing it, I make it sound awkward.

I don't infer the same statement Drpangloss does. I did not assume that the first verse implied the person did not love you back, just the person did not know you loved them. Yet, the phrase, "the passion you give me" confuses me a lot. The following line "why I love you" seems out of place after the 2nd line.

Also, did you mean what a MESS that would be? Instead of miss?

The third verse gives me some problems. Prior to its existence, you speak in present tense, but you then switch to past. It leads to confusion because if you follow my view of your writing, to me, it means they do not know how much you love them but they kissed you anyway or if you follow DrPangloss', they don't love you back but they kissed you anyway.

However you choose to view it, the last verse makes no sense. I suggest you rewrite it to work with the context or switch the above verses to present.

I agree with a lot of the points Jubilee makes. The mere fact that I thought one thing and Jubilee thought another means that the lyric is unclear.

Think of each verse as a clear progression from one to the next giving the audience just the amount of information they need to understand the story you're telling. You might want to write it out saying "Verse 1 says this," then "Verse 2 says that," then "the Bridge says such-and-such," etc. When you know exactly what information to leak when, it will make it much easier for the audience to understand, and you won't have contradictions in your lyric.

Also, I'd love to hear what the music sounds like.