The Palio -- first of two Sienna Songs

This is the first of two songs I have labeled "The Sienna Songs," inspired during my trip to Italy last summer. I hope this is the right place for this song. I wouldn't consider it jazz or pop... it's cabaret. Does cabaret fall under the category of pop? Anywho, here it is.

A few things to explain: The Palio happens twice a year and has every year for the past eight-hundred years. The campo is the main square of the city. Some bigger cities like Florence or Venice have several, but Sienna is small. I'm attaching a PDF and an mp3.

I'm looking for constructive feedback on both the music and the lyric. Thanks!

The Palio - Putfile.com

There are places that your lyrics seem forced, but overall it's really good in that regard. Your parallel structures are pretty amazing. Musically, the piano part feels too thin in a lot of places. The harmonic structure seems squeezed into a strict verse/chorus structure, where I feel that with some harmonic flexibility the music could serve the text much better. See, for example, the shift - "And I didn't stay" - m. 70 - I wanted to hear different harmonies. When I was playing through it, I thought:

m.69, beat 2 - A in bass over G Major chord
m. 70 - change of texture - less of the dotted rhythms.

Alternately, keeping m. 69 the same -
m. 70 - G7 (beats 1 & 2), D6 (beats 3 & 4), beat 5 as is. Still change in texture.

Basically, I would have liked to see more variation in the structures.

I agree that there are things in the lyric that still feel forced. I'm trying to work on those. Any specifics of note?

Interesting about the harmonies in m70. I'll take a look at that. Now that you mention it, I like the idea of doing something different before going back to the verse harmony. This one is rather strict, because I'm going for a sort of folk-song type sound. Not an American folk song, an Italian folk song. Obviously in 5/4 and 7/8 it's not that folk-y, but that's the tone I'm trying to set. But I'll play with those things in 69-70.

Also, and this sounds like I'm fishing, but I'm just curious. You mention "parallel structures." Do you mean in the music or lyric? Or both together?

Lyrics, specifically. The musical parallels are a little to repetitive for my personal taste - but it's cool that they're there.

Well, thank you.

Where were there specific lyrics that you took issue with? I know the ones that I wish flowed better, but I'm curious as to which you felt needed tightening. Also, any suggestions are more than welcome, but really I just need a feel for where you got uncomfortable with it.

I don't know - the general "exposition" I think is what needed help. It seemed trivial - I think because I'm seeing it from the point of character - WHY is the person in Sienna, and why do we care?

Maybe also the section in 6/8. It started feeling very "square."