Piano Sonata No.1 (Formerly Joyride in C)

Hey everybody.

This is my first piano piece. I have been playing the piano for 8 years and composing for almost 2, but they two never collided until now!

One day I was just playing around on the piano and the title and the 5/4 ostinato just kind of poured out. I kept on going and before I knew it I had the piece you are about to see. I hope you like it. It's not incredibly difficult, and the cadenza needs a little bit of work, but hopefully I'm going to get the chance to premiere it at my high school senior recital next year.

Here it is:

Price Walden

hey its pretty cool =)
im new here so i dont know much on how to comment
to me, its just a cool depiction of of a joyride lol

Heya,
I haven't commented on these forums for a while... so here goes!
This is a really fun piece! Here are my two cents.

The introduction is really exciting. I wish it was a bit longer; an introduction longer than 4 bars would be nice structurally, since all the other sections seem to be at least 8 bars long (and the very next section is 20-odd bars). Also, you are about to enter a section with a very strong ostinato that doesn't change for 20-ish bars. Since you have such an exciting opening (something that i'm not very good at writing), you can extend it for a few bars to create a bit more drive to carry the listener through the next section.

Your ostanati are rhythmically interesting, but then they usually just wind up as part of a very normal 4-bar phrase. What if you just gave two bars of ostinato before the entrance of the right hand's rising line? What if you got rid of the some of the measures between phrases (mm. 12, 16, 21)? What if the melody and the ostanato weren't in sync with each other, at least for one phrase (Like if the melody notes in mm. 9-24 were six beats each instead of five?) What if the last chord in m. 29 was held for a while, leaving the audience guessing about when the music would start up again? Just some things to think about; i'm not even sure that i'd do some of these. I'm just showing examples of some things you could try out.

Basically, you've got some really cool stuff going on rhythmically on a micro level. I think that you should look for ways to make your larger-scale rhythms more interesting. Just remember, the same 5/4 rhythm over and over again will get old, just as a 4/4 rhythm would. I'm saying this because i used to do exactly the same thing. Also, i'm not saying that the piece is boring at all; i just think that this could be something you might want to use to make it even more interesting.

The cadenza sounds fine to me. It only seems a bit weird to me because it's the only moment in the piece where the steady rhythm is interrupted.

And two quick notation things, because my last composition teacher would have flayed me alive (eeek!) The right hand whole-notes-tied-to-quarter-notes should be half-notes-tied-to-dotted-halves, to line up with the ostinato's rhythm. Secondly, the right hand in m. 38 should be a dotted quarter (or a quarter tied to an eighth), then an eighth tied to a dotted eighth. Basically, the divisions of the measure should line up between the staves unless there's a really good reason not to.

Wow, sorry that that's so long. It's a really cool piece! Wheeee! I really like it a lot. I hope you get a chance to play it on your senior recital.

Hello!

I like this overall! Here are some things I noticed--

Were you influenced by Debussy at all? I would bet--why else would you use three staves? I personally don't like it, but I suppose it's fine. I actually think it would be more worthwhile to just move it to the middle staff.

Not that I don't like ostinatos, but I think you should have some chord changes in the ostinato. It will give a bit more variety. Either that, or add chords separately. No problem with NOT having any, but that's something I would do.

AAH! Please use staccatos at measure 34, or else I can't read it.

Measures 39 and 40 are too sterile, especially in an exciting piece like this. Try putting some sort of frilly little thing in there and see what you think. Also, don't limit yourself to starting the phrase on 1. It can be very artistic to start the measure before with a run or something.

I think your ending should be a little more exciting. The tempo changes mess with my head. This should really end on an exclamation point!

Overall, nice idea, but some things could be better.

I hope I have helped!
Alan

Hey. Just to get everybody caught up on this piece.

I have decided to rework this into a sonata. This piece will be used as the first movement, with a different ending. I have started work on the second movement, and I have thoughts for the third.

I will post the new first movement and the new second movement ASAP.

Thanks

Price Walden