She Seems to Be(flower)

Hey party people,this is my new arts songy song I've written.
I really worked on the piano in this one. And I wrote it for a high tenor. I'll try to attach a pdf and a mus file...you can check out the audio file at the link below but it's just an idea be sure to read along. please check it out and tell me what you think.

THAnks



she seams to b.mp3 - File Shared from Box.net - Free Online File Storage

the finale oos and aaahhs sound wierd too

Its nice tariq. Enjoyable. Keep it up.

I liked it, nice melody. It was very enjoyable.

very fascinating, the texture of the piano and the voice mingles well.

However, I noted that you directed for {A lot of rit. in piano solos (sweet) q»¡º}

I think you meant rubato, which should be just written as {Rubato in Piano Solos}



The melody for the voice, to my opinion, is nice, but has erm, a tad too many mordents, and to my rustic ears it sounds, too repetitive. yeah, thats my only peeve.

Well, Its well within the range of a high tenor. An glissando to A from E seems acceptable.

Lyrics wise, its well written too! did you write those yourself?


On the whole, good job!

Very pretty. No "mmm" on the end, unless you have a choir. Sounds funky. Well, there are ways of applying it that make it seem not-arbitrary, but right now it seems so.

Very neo-baroque in its simplicity. Why write the opening 8ths down the octave? They're making less sense there, rather than being written at sounding pitch.

thanks guy s for your comments david ckwee thanks alot i didn't notis i put rit ont the page and yes i wrote the lyrics myself...it was for a girl.

and christopher i just wanted mo see what it would be like at the end.

and the octave thing i was have finale problems

thanks alot and god bless

You may want to rethink your phrasing in some areas, because you emphasize wierd syllables. Like in measure 22, the singer is singing "IM-mor-TAL beau-TY" which sounds off, it would be better to have "im" as a pickup to put the strong syllables on strong beats. Perhaps instead of dotted quarter-eighth in the previous measure, have quarter-eighth-eighth and put "im" on that last 8th. Just a suggestion.

thanks dev i totally understand what your saying. thanks you guys help a lot i will surely return that favor

i like it, but you don't need to go so crazy with the vocal runs (the quick up-and-down ornamentation). It kind of chops up the lyricism fo the line.