String Orc. thing

A theme i have long since abandoned, tell me if i should keep going w/ it...

To be honest (very honest), this to me sounds like something you write in order to learn, but not really expect to take anywhere. It sounds alright, but there are several things I would look out for if I were you.

First, you have a divisi in the basses which is not marked. Divisi should not be done with basses anyway due to their often low numbers.

Second, you have a lot of unison, when you could branch out and have some neat harmonies. Think about the chords you have in the bass to help you out. On the same note, why don't you write the Second Violins down an octave? Trust me, they will thank you later. Not only that, but it fills in a major harmonic gap you have between middle C and C5, where there is relatively no activity.

All grace notes should have slurs on them, unless you want them bowed individually.

Musically, your melody is a bit to wide-spread--I get lost a lot trying to think of what the melody is doing. Try making the phrases a bit shorter, especially later on. Use longer notes to establish the end of a phrase. This will help the listener understand where the melody is at all times.

To be a bit harsh, I don't think this is something that should be worked on, unless you wish to take some of my advice and see where it gets you.
Alan

Originally Posted by Alan

To be honest (very honest), this to me sounds like something you write in order to learn, but not really expect to take anywhere. It sounds alright, but there are several things I would look out for if I were you.

First, you have a divisi in the basses which is not marked. Divisi should not be done with basses anyway due to their often low numbers.

Second, you have a lot of unison, when you could branch out and have some neat harmonies. Think about the chords you have in the bass to help you out. On the same note, why don't you write the Second Violins down an octave? Trust me, they will thank you later. Not only that, but it fills in a major harmonic gap you have between middle C and C5, where there is relatively no activity.

All grace notes should have slurs on them, unless you want them bowed individually.

Musically, your melody is a bit to wide-spread--I get lost a lot trying to think of what the melody is doing. Try making the phrases a bit shorter, especially later on. Use longer notes to establish the end of a phrase. This will help the listener understand where the melody is at all times.

To be a bit harsh, I don't think this is something that should be worked on, unless you wish to take some of my advice and see where it gets you.
Alan

Thank you! To defend myself a little bit, some of this stuff make look odd because of my own laziness. As you see, the same melody is written in in two different ways...Oh well, critique is always welcome!