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First off welcome to YC. You will find the help you are asking for here, just be patient. It also helps if you comment on other people's works. The more you do so, the better chance you have fior them to comment on yours.
Also, this piece would do much better in Incomplete works. I suspect that it will be moved there soon by the moderators.
It takes time to learn how to use a notation program. Sibelius or Finale is not any faster than Notepad, but as you use it, you get faster. Then you learn that you have more work to do as time progresses. A 5 minute piece may take 50 hours of work to get right. That is the nature of the game.
Try to expand this to at least 30 seconds to a minute for us to get an idea of what you are going for and then we can give a better analysis of your work.
Again, welcome to the site.
Ron
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"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." Albert Einstein
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Albert Einstein
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