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hi! i attached a fragment to show what i meant. the main problem seemed to be the excess of notes. the left hand specially is too much heavy and somewhat obsessed with unnecessary dramaticism. a better effect can be achieved with less notes, but choosing carefully those which are really meaningful, thinking about refining the texture and even providing some subtle linking notes between the chords, enhancing the lines' and progression's grace. if you relieve some weight one can breathe along with you and not keep detached because of the hard mass of sound. i did, just as a sketch, some changes which, of course, pleases my own taste, and surely you will have other ideas and solutions. hope you can grasp what i mean. anyway the piece is fine as is, so keep composing!
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Brazilian amateur and self-taught composer, composing since 2002.
music:
[http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID =544908]
photo:
[http://tetraktys.multiply.com/photos]
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