What Went Before

Ah, I understand. Does it make a difference that it's part of a set, and that the entire song is actually kind of exposition? And how can I improve this?

Hrmmmm... intriguing. I guess a lot depends on what exactly is coming next. And another thought I had: maybe it should be up to the singer to "emote" the music in that moment. I also thought of the possibility of added a few bars of piano between the "realization" and the "effect."

It's a very interesting piece as a part of the whole, and looking toward what the whole will be. I understand what you're saying about the song being expository for what's to come, but you can't dismiss the power of what the song is capable because it's "not as important" (or whatever) to what's coming next. Don't let the audience know they're being fed exposition. Let them feel that they're watching something, and then let it turn out (surprise!) that it was setting them up for the next thing.

Gotcha. I deliberately left no space between "they had only looked at me" and "So the next time..." to aid in the build of excitement. With that spacing in mind, I think it would be a good idea to add a bar between "that I'd pass along the street" and "Until I realized." Just to allow the quiet to descend a little more gradually.

EDIT: eh. Tried it, didn't like it. I'll see how it sounds with an acting singer doing it, and make edits accordingly. Update to follow in September or October.

First off, I just picked this piece up on a whim and I don't know what the context is, or if it's part of anything. So, with that said, I think musically it's very nice. But what turns me off are certain motives in the voice part, which kind of, dunno, seem weird in contrast to the piano figures.

I think, actually, the best part is the piano even if it repeats the same model over and over, it's a really nice catchy thing it repeats.

As for the text and how it relates to the music, I'm not sure if you really gave much thought to the piano part beyond "run through" accompaniment, the piano doesn't seem to take anything from the voice, and the voice never seems to care what happens with the piano.

I mean, I can tell your harmony has to do with the text and I think it fits rather nice though it has a quasi-musical air to it. But, I don't know, I think more can be done with the piano/voice than what you did. Despite that, I really like a bunch of parts, it's got a nice sound to it.

Another thing is a technical deal with the voice. This seems like it's written for Mezzo, which is all fine but I'm not really sure about that measure with the G, it's not that well prepared and I'm thinking that at that speed you'll not get a really nice sound out of that G unless you get a really good singer to prepare it plenty well.

Otherwise, there's a bunch of jumps which are all doable but I get this feeling that you wrote the voice as if it were an instrument rather than writing something that fits comfortably or is more idiomatic for voice. I mean, it's just an impression I get.

However, I think the text fits well with the voice part. Also, maybe you thought it out that way, but I would have probably written slurs to help organize the phrasing even if it's somewhat implied by the text, it never hurts to write it more explicitly.

Overall, I like it, it sounds nice, but I'd check to see how some of the details I mentioned work out in practice.

Originally Posted by SSC

First off, I just picked this piece up on a whim and I don't know what the context is, or if it's part of anything. So, with that said, I think musically it's very nice. But what turns me off are certain motives in the voice part, which kind of, dunno, seem weird in contrast to the piano figures.
[...]
I mean, I can tell your harmony has to do with the text and I think it fits rather nice though it has a quasi-musical air to it. [...]

Another thing is a technical deal with the voice. This seems like it's written for Mezzo, which is all fine but I'm not really sure about that measure with the G, it's not that well prepared and I'm thinking that at that speed you'll not get a really nice sound out of that G unless you get a really good singer to prepare it plenty well.

Otherwise, there's a bunch of jumps which are all doable but I get this feeling that you wrote the voice as if it were an instrument rather than writing something that fits comfortably or is more idiomatic for voice. I mean, it's just an impression I get.

Overall, I like it, it sounds nice, but I'd check to see how some of the details I mentioned work out in practice.

This was written in a musical-theater style - for a specific soprano - and musical theater soprano lines tend to sit in the lower ends of the range. It's more about timbre than register.

I've already sung through this myself (both as I was writing it, and after), as well as with the soprano who it's written for, and the melodic line is easily manageable, despite the chromaticism and leaps. Vocal lines, contrary to intuition, are actually MORE comfortable for singers when they change registers. The general "order of preference" is:

1) Changing registers
2) Sitting in the low register
3) Sitting in the high register
4) Sitting in the passaggio

I appreciate your thoughts on the motivic interconnectedness of the vocal/piano lines. To gain some more context into this song-set (it is a song set), I'd recommend looking at the others in it. Links are at the bottom of my signature:

Self-Sufficience, Hoping, After All.