What Went Before

The third song of my musical-theater-self-lyricized-set.

Same singer as before.

Thoughts appreciated.

Hey,
I really like this one. Again nice melodies and harmonies and great use of the musical theatre style. I really think you have a really good thing going on here. I keep trying to place you in a style and I kind of want to say Sondheim/Brown, I don't know. lol
I really enjoy your lyrics as well.
Great work as always!

The lyric reminds me of the style that Edgar Lee Masters uses in his "Spoon River" poems. (I often turn to Spoon River as a source of lyrics, because the characters are so rich.) I'll listen to the music soon and be back with more feedback.

aw, I really loved this little diddy...are you writing a musical? I would go see it if you did! It had a lovely sonority that just went with the lyrics, and the ending was beautiful, both musically and because of what she was saying.

great job

I love the accompaniment figure! It's really fun, and you make wonderful use of it. I feel that your melody gets a little lost in the beginning. It feels unfocused, which is maybe part of the dramatic point, but it's somewhat unnerving. It got much stronger at m15 (where you change to CM). It seemed to be actually heading somewhere at that point, whereas before it seemed to be wandering.

Lyrically, I wonder what you mean by "until I realized the man had looked at me." You have not yet mentioned a particular man, so I don't know who this man is, and then he never shows up again. And as much as I like the long-term effect it has on her, I'd also really like to get her emotions in the moment when a man finally looks at her. In order to incite such a change in her, that's got to be a huge moment, and you kind of gloss over it.

A final thing, and this is probably just due to my own aesthetic, but why don't you try putting a quarter or eighth rest in the melody before the final note.

I see what you mean.

The event doesn't incite the change in her - she incites the change in her, due to her realization of her potential within a seemingly small event. I think it may help to change "the man" to "these men" and subsequent "he"s to "they"s?

I'm actually not a huge fan of big character epiphanies where it's like the heavens open and angels come out singing - I much prefer them very subtle and contained within the character's own action. Any advice on how to do that?

I did a quick edit on it with the quarter-rest first, and then the eighth-rest - and I think it gives a sense of hesitancy that I'm not sure I like. That said, there is a rather hesitant song coming up, and I'll certainly keep the effect in mind.

I'm not all that big on epiphanies, either. What I mean is, you skip over the emotion of the moment and only focus on its effect. That must be a very emotional moment for her, and to musicalize that moment could be glorious. Yes, we see the long-term effect, but that's rather mechanical without seeing the emotional root, wouldn't you say?

I don't know - I don't think it's an emotional moment. I think it's an intellectual moment more than anything else.

I've tried to convey a slight sense of accomplishment or pride through the key-change back to Eb from Db at "but I kept my head up straight" - but I'm not sure what kind of musicalization you're talking about. Can you clarify?

Wow, Christopher I love this one. I'm guessing you won't be surprised I love the key changes here, especially at 'And I admit...' and 'I kept my head up straight'. It's so dramatic, the words are wonderfully timed. I love the accompaniment figure and the way you manipulate it slightly for effect is beautifully expressive (especially at the end, this gave me the shivers). So, yeah, well done, I think this is amazing!

Originally Posted by Christopher Dunn-Rankin

I've tried to convey a slight sense of accomplishment or pride through the key-change back to Eb from Db at "but I kept my head up straight" - but I'm not sure what kind of musicalization you're talking about. Can you clarify?

I suppose what I'm saying is that theatrically, we want to watch something happen, not hear about it. I can't imagine that it's a purely intellectual response when she realizes for what seems like the first time that there's something special and attractive about her. It's the "I'm a pretty girl, Momma," moment.

It's a lovely story, and you tell in with beautiful language, but you left out the climax of the story. I'm also a professional storyteller, and if you were in one of my classes with this, I'd tell you that you created a beautiful stasis, a wonderful complication, but you got to the falling action/resolution before we could enjoy the climax of the story.