I really enjoyed this! It has such a wonderful late 19th century feel to it and creates a mystical world.
A few general comments after two trips through the score:
1. Be very careful about E#, B#, and any double-sharp spellings. Only use them when they make absolute sense.
2. The staccatissimo mark is often played with a sense of accent as well as short. I think your quarter note staccatissimos would be better off as 8th note staccatos followed by 8th rests.
3. You don't need to restate instrumentation between movements.
4. Only the title of the work gets its own page. Movement names are stated above the first system of the movement.
5. Copyright notice should only be on the title page and first page of the work. Anywhere else and it catches the conductor's eye as a possible instruction.
6. Page numbers at the top of the page, not the bottom. Also, page numbering should be continuous.
Performance thing: Your bassist's G is out of tune.
Just before the vocals come in at around :20, the [G# B F] augmented lead in to the dominant was awkward. I know it's an augmented 6th chord, but the mix of timbres and possibly notes was weird.
As each verse went on, the lack of the use of triads/chords in the organ sound made the whole thing lose a bit of its sonority.
Near the end, the chords got weird... I heard a C natural against the A major triad (i.e. 3:40) and it just didn't fit.
The solo section could have contrasted a little bit too, but it wasn't too huge an issue for me.
Noble attempt by the vocalist! That isn't easy!
I meant to say this the first time you posted this piece, but it's great for younger choirs to have music with some development in it as opposed to just verse after verse of the same stuff. Nice work!
True. Part of my experiment with this piece though is playing around with more descriptions of emotions to see how it shapes the player's performance. There are metaphors and experiences that we get as humans (hang time at the top of a rollercoaster, for example), that just don't fit in notation. In my head, the treatment of the tempo changes in mm. 21-31 is much more parabolic, with hang time at the top and a sense of struggle in the ascending figures. Even with all the hidden midi stuff, the playback is only a rough approximation.