I think it is quite good, excellent ideas, good pacing, moving from motif to motif. I would assume this might be for a video game.. Compositionally/arrangement wise - it is very good
Ideas to ponder - overall there is a lot happening in the same octave. the sound get’s a bit muddy (low mids) you could EQ the lows/ mids out of a few things, and some hi end boost on other tracks. Do everything subtlety though. Not extreme. Maybe in a place or two use a different articulation on strings and brass.
Now-a-days. I spend a lot of time choosing new instrument patches for the midi I’ve already laid down.. Many times, this makes the difference, instead of EQ’ing.. Or ‘open up’ some voicing. move the third an octave higher.
Think in terms of water color painting. You have to be very careful when overlaying two or more water colors together cause it turns to muddy brown.. Same with instruments. If too many are playin in the same range, especially if they are playing different motifs, notes,
it gets cloudy or muddy.. Sometimes you might want this as a ‘wash’ as they use in water colors, in which case they would be slightly softer so the instrument doing the heavy carrying can ‘cut thru’ without relying on EQ
You use some ‘war drums’ through a fair amount of song and a section of strings/orchestra playing a syncopated rhythm.. You make good use of the re-curring rhythm, it anchors the piece.
At ending you might consider drums doing a volume building up on the last two bars, with perhaps drums going into steady 16th notes (possibly some other instruments climbing a scale or to make the ending more grand/shocking.
Depending on it’s use - game video, soundtrack, or just listening, more use of dynamics might help. You quickly get to one intensity level and stay there a lot.
The composition, arrangement, choice of instruments is fine.
I think you might have a situation with your monitor speakers. On my system (Genelec 8040’s) the whole piece is dark, Not enough high end, you have a section with a gong/cymbal build-up roll. They have very little high end.
First you might play some commercial CD’s MP3’ of artists/material you aspire thru your DAW system. . Is your Sound matching them..
I’m not saying you need new monitors, you need to learn and understand how they respond. Once you know the quirks of your speakers/room you can adjust for that, and then you won’t have to EQ that much
You could very easily put final mastering plug-in or just EQ and add a little hi ‘sheen’ to it.. I believe all the instruments, cymbals have the sound data there. Also try to take your mixes and play them on as many systems/speakers as you can,
This are points important to me, others may not feel that way, like for instance, I don’t like grunge metal music, yet others love it.
If any point make sense to you explore them. or at least understand what I said, then decide if you need to do that.
Pat Patterson, at Berklee Music, said ‘There are NO RULES, only TOOLS.. It is Ok to break the rules or to follow them to the degree you feel comfortable. John Lennon said later in life, he would have gone back and re-record 2/3 of what the Beatles recorded, with the knowledge and sense he had 20 years later