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SergeOfArniVillage

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SergeOfArniVillage last won the day on February 15

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About SergeOfArniVillage

  • Rank
    Inter-dimensional Puppet
  • Birthday 05/06/1991

Profile Information

  • Biography
    I'm an inter-dimensional puppet. What else is there to tell?
  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Music
  • Favorite Composers
    Beethoven & Franz Liszt ... and Mitsuda-san
  • Instruments Played
    Piano

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  1. Ok, so, the good: I really think you captured something magical in the F# major section starting in ms. 9. (Although the key change was actually unnecessary, continuing in C# minor key signature would have been fine.) I think going for something minimalist, with a sense of wonder, really works in this section. The repeatedly bass notes are surprisingly effective! Ok, the bad. The opening just isn’t cutting it. It sounds like a watered down 1st movement moonlight sonata. The switching between eighth notes and eighth note triplets feels awkward, too. The 6/8 section played with a forte dynamic marking is just plain unpleasant. But even if played pianissimo, the repeated notes here just don’t add anything to the piece. Honestly, if I were you, I would keep the mss. from 9-24, slash the rest of the piece off, and see what you could do to develop the material you have there. Simple, heartfelt would be a fitting direction. Thank you for sharing this with us 🙂
  2. Really pleasant to listen to. I appreciate the gentle, floaty theme being “poked” occasionally by more staccato sections. You also have some really lovely harmonies going on, too. Without a score, it’s really difficult to give specific feedback. All I can say in the way of constructive criticism, is that, like, even at the very beginning, the left hand is drowning out the right hand’s melody, although this gets better throughout most places in the piece. I think the issue is that the middle register doesn’t want to have volume contrast, and that stays consistent through the piece. The higher octaves ring clear, but at the middle register, the lower hand overpowers the melody. Whatever you can do to fix this will add a huge amount of “production quality” to your piece. Really nice work here. Thanks for sharing with us! 😁
  3. Neat piece. I like the playfulness of it, almost mischievous. The harmonic language is catchy, particularly on the second page. Overall, really neat. I do have a few nagging issues, though. The first bar, you establish a chromatic descent in the L.H. Then, it feels like you couldn’t commit to it in the next few bars. Seriously, try this. First bar, keep it as is. Second bar, make the L.H. drop from a G# to an F double sharp. Third bar, right hand second beat, add a C# to make it a third, and L.H., make the A an A# on the third, followed by a natural G into the F# (making it an F#7 chord). And keep fourth bar exactly the same. Voila! The chromatic little motif you toy with in mss. 24-26 now makes perfect sense in the piece, even leading back into its first repeat. One last complaint. The entire piece is pretty easy, and then you throw a ring finger trill in the R.H. at ms. 47-48. If you really want to keep this trill, it’s loads easier if you put it in the thumb and index finger, instead of on top of the octave. In fact, come to think of it, again the chormatic theme could work here. Mss. 47 and 48, keep it exactly the same, but make the thumb and index finger do the trill on the lower C# and D# in ms. 47, and then in ms. 48, make the trill C# and D natural. On ms. 47, left hand, third beat, make a D# octave, then ms. 48, first half note, a D natural octave, then last beat, two eighth note octaves, C# and G# octave below, leading into measure 49’s L.H. as it is. Again, the piece may “agree with itself more”, and this is even easier to play from a technical standpoint, so the difficulty doesn’t randomly spike. Please don’t take my thoughts as, “you must do this or that,” but they are only suggestions meant to look at things from a different angle. My opinion’s subjective, after all. I just hope that by giving more specific feedback when I’m able to do so, it will actually be more helpful to you than only generalizations. Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed listening to this 😊
  4. I appreciate that you are branching out into other moods of music, though. It’s especially beneficial if you’re not used to it — getting out of the comfort zone is good. Making nothing but depressing music gets old after a while, too! The opening theme is ok, but the voice leading and blocky chords are big issues that hamper it. I think that’s why you find it “cheesy.” For example, in the opening 3 or so bars, it’s clunky to have this melody accompanied by chords that are always in their root position. In mss. 6 and 7, the L.H. thirds jump around all over the place. Try not to force the music, but rather, let one thought lead naturally into the next, and it will begin to flow how you want it to. The triplet sections are better. (I especially like the little grace notes in mss. 15 and 21.) The idea of having the more “solid” opening contrasted with a lighter staccato section is good and makes perfectsnese, it’s just the execution of the opening that needs work. This was neat to listen to — thanks for sharing! 😌
  5. This is a really thoughtful piece, and certain chords in context are jarring, in a good way. I find the piece subtle and evocative, but I find the title strange, which I think gave me the same feeling as Ken: “What’s going on?” To me, the piece sounded more like frustration and melancholy. I would have expected “revenge” to be more aggressive and dramatic. Maybe this is portraying the first stages or the “seed” that grows into a desire for revenge. I don’t know. Regardless, I really liked listening to this. Thanks for posting! 😊
  6. I don’t really know what to say, except that it was very satisfying to listen to. The language sounds impeccable, managing to be freer sounding than a lot of fugues I’ve listened to, but without sounding too loose. (I think fugues should mostly stick to certain rules, which is why I never write them, I don’t have the patience or the brains to write them, LOL) Really awesome job! Would have loved to have seen a score, though.
  7. Really cool. It sounds semi-improvisational, which works great for a nocturne. I think you kept it to the perfect amount of development, too. Not too little, not too much. I thought mss. 95-96 sounded really odd in context, though. The left hand in particular sounds almost baroque, in the middle of consistently jazzy language. Hmm. Maybe pedalling each beat and adding soft dynamics could change that, but I’m not sure. Anyway, really cool piece, thanks for sharing with us 😁
  8. I really love this. A “plodding” beginning, which becomes the motif for the entire piece, has material within it that morphs into all sorts of beautiful scales and figures. Just very clever, and with all sorts of pleasant surprises and development throughout. Some of my thoughts: literally the only measure I didn’t like was ms. 36. I know you’re looking to make a transition back to the original theme, but it sounded banal. I think keeping more of the consitently interesting harmony there would have been more convincing. Also, sostenuto pedal would work wonderfully for mss. 38 and 40. Thanks for sharing! 😌
  9. Thank you both for your comments! Much appreciated 🙂 @Monarcheon Interesting point about the inner voices, I didn’t think of that. I’m constantly striving to find a balance of “is this too little, or too much?” and as I practice, I hope to have the music become more and more “natural.” Again, thank you both!
  10. I do think having a link would benefit the flow. Variations that are really sharp in contrast can be very effective, but I think in this case a smoother transition would work better. Just my two cents.
  11. I appreciate the live rendition, and incidentally, the visual filter you used fits the somewhat Impressionistic style of the piece. Cool! Definitely better than the midi version. Part of the appeal of this piece is more the feel of the reverb and echo of the progressions, rather than only the notes themselves, if that makes any sense, so I'm really happy you put up a live performance. I think you really did a great job with the atmosphere, it's captivating. However, I think the B section at the about 2/3rds way through was a little bit too much. The L.H. is too loud and repetitive, and I think it bogs down the atmosphere rather than giving it another dimension. Maybe try adding softer dynamics, like mf, so that there is some cresc., but not too much so that it sounds over-dramatic. And as interesting harmonically as the beginning and end are, I think the B part should have more interesting harmonies in the L.H. too. But that's just my 2 cents. Thanks for sharing, this is a really neat piece. 😄
  12. Great job. I think my personal favorites were Vars. IV - VI, and X - End. I love the textures of IV, followed by a return to a focus on melody with accompaniment, followed by an energetic variation: smart choices for variations. I think my issues with VII are not only what Monarch mentioned, but also, I think it feels a little "forced" after variation VI, like there should be a middle step between them as a link, that's currently missing. The loss of momentum is too much, like whiplash from a sudden brake. I love that you put an adagio as a variation, but I think it needs something. I think the way it slowly builds momentum again through VIII to the end was very well done, however. I really enjoyed listening to this 🙂
  13. A waltz I wrote recently, based upon an idea I've had a very long idea. Comments, thoughts, criticisms all appreciated. https://app.box.com/s/unxi7fy67skb4p6cxu6jcxk7ff5dbvsk (Music file) https://app.box.com/s/sxyj3ygiv1ofz38enylk8gq33nrh8emg (PDF file)
  14. Great job on your revision, it’s a noticeable improvement!
  15. Listening to the third movement now. It definitely has an uplifting, optimistic tone. I like it — good contrast with last piece. And not every last movement has to end in Greek tragedy ^_~ Great use of arpeggios toward the end of the opening theme. Also, I think you use trills to very good effect, both in right and left hand. In fact, I’m amazed you make it sound so good on a MIDI playback. I purposefully avoid using trills when I can in my pieces, because MIDI tends to completely butcher it. You make me want to try it again, though! I’m really impressed with how you reworked this piece. Before, it suffered from identity crisis and awkward writing, but now, it stands as a more fully fleshed-out, fun, clever, and engaging piece. You should be proud! I hope you will write more pieces for piano, I would love to see how you continue to develop.
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