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Some quick observations:


  • I found the constant use of what is essentially the same rhythm in the 'A' section tiresome.
  • Clash between hands in bar 4 not elegant.
  • Bars 11 and 76 should really be in the major, with r.h. like so: D-C#-B-A.
  • Bar 16 l.h. should have F# rather than F.
  • Bar 17 hints at a central subsection in E minor within a ternary theme, but this is never followed through.
  • You seem to be unable to decide whether to modulate or not in the 'B' section: you waver too much between G and C, and you never actually end up modulating. The second part of the 'B' section should really close in C.
  • G minor-G major in bar 28 unconvincing.
  • Lack of motion in bar 31 is unappealing.
  • The doubled leading note between soprano (with clashing upper appoggiatura) and bass in bar 35 is ugly.
  • Bar 38: non-resolution of V/ii bathetic.
  • The harmonic phrasing from bars 48 to 50 is awkward; one expects the subdominant in bar 49 given the previous 2 bars (effect magnified here, but applies to other manifestations).
  • The right hand figurations from bar 57 onward is ungainly and this passage needs to be pedalled, which undermines the effect of the extremely low staccato notes.
  • Bar 65: r.h. G-A-D against l.h. G-G-D nonsensical in tonal harmony; better to change l.h. to match r.h.
  • Clash between A# (r.h.) and A (l.h.) in bar 72.
  • Bar 78: l.h. figuration unnecessarily difficult: better to omit the the lower note of the third on the second and fourth crotchets.
  • Bar 84: r.h. D5 should resolve to C5 since it is the seventh of the dominant chord.
  • Harmonic progression and phrase structure from bar 83 to bar 90 unconvincing. Expected bar 86 to be repeated a step lower (i.e. V-I rather than (V-I)/ii). Move into D minor clumsy when D major (as dominant) is expected so strongly here. Bars 87-91 sound as if they were tacked on.
  • Bars 88-90: Tremolo distribution resembles orchestral reduction more than idiomatic piano writing. Much easier on the pianist if r.h. had three notes and one note instead of two and two.
  • I did not find the piece structurally convincing. You do not seem to have grasped how to write well-rounded themes or convincing cadences yet - sections A and B do not 'close'; they end abruptly midway. A' much better in this respect. Break of momentum between A' and C, but not between C and A''; form a little lopsided as a result. Weightier coda needed.
  • It flows decently enough for the most part, but there is quite a bit of awkwardness in the phrase structure.

Well, you're still young. But have a look at what your predecessors were doing at a similar age:


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It's rather odd but not without some merit. The piece feels self aware of it's own awkwardness which makes it interesting but I didn't feel any investment in the piece or the direction it was going in. Overall, it's still pretty creative. Thanks for sharing. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

You've got some decent ideas in here, and I like how each restatement of the A theme is kind of a variation of the original. Maybe just for fun, since you seem to have a knack for it, try turning the theme into a "theme and variations" piece. That way you could experiment with different textures and styles within the confines of an established theme. I agree that parts of the rondo feel a bit discombobulated. Listen for those harmonies that sound awkward or "undecided" (as if they can't really make up their mind about where they're going), and tinker until they feel purposeful. If you switch from major to minor suddenly, make it worth it. Develop that minor material and take the listener somewhere new and exciting. It's a fine line between harmony that sounds exotic and harmony that sounds misplaced or confused. Keep playing with variations until you find a couple you like, then figure out what to do with that material. It could take you in a new direction. Just an idea.

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