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You have both the suspended 4th in your F major chord, as well as the resolved major third which gives a bit of an awkward change of styles right at the end of a phrase. The exception is the first time.
 The solo piano ostinato you use at 1:52 doesn't feel the most warranted. These emotional moments, and you do do this, can be used as a point of remembrance from the previous material standing alone. It just didn't feel like there was a big enough buildup or previous material to have it be there, especially since you crash right into it again instead of a build.
2:24's polychord is a little bit strange. It's nice that they're off by a whole step but confusing that they're off by tonality (major/minor). Not wrong, just doesn't match the rest of the material.
 

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Great piece. I wasn't fully captivated until towards the 2:30 mark when the choir came in for the climax. Then on, it was beautiful. 

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20 hours ago, Monarcheon said:

You have both the suspended 4th in your F major chord, as well as the resolved major third which gives a bit of an awkward change of styles right at the end of a phrase. The exception is the first time.
 The solo piano ostinato you use at 1:52 doesn't feel the most warranted. These emotional moments, and you do do this, can be used as a point of remembrance from the previous material standing alone. It just didn't feel like there was a big enough buildup or previous material to have it be there, especially since you crash right into it again instead of a build.
2:24's polychord is a little bit strange. It's nice that they're off by a whole step but confusing that they're off by tonality (major/minor). Not wrong, just doesn't match the rest of the material.
 

 

Thanks for you criticism!!!  im going to improve!

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4 hours ago, Sepharite said:

Great piece. I wasn't fully captivated until towards the 2:30 mark when the choir came in for the climax. Then on, it was beautiful. 

 

thanks for listening!!

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