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Posted (edited)

Hi :3, I´m new to this forum. I'm a begginer composer

I would like to have some feedback on my first piano sonata. Thanks in advance for the comments.

I added an mp3 an here is a link to a youtube video with the sheet music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODoW8caLo0k

Here is an analysis of the structure.

0:00 exposition

0:00 Introduction

0:26 first theme C minor

0:45 bridge

0:51 transition theme Eb minor

1:03 bridge

1:14 Second theme Eb major

1:29 Transition

1:37 retransition progression by circle of 5th

1:44 second theme Eb major

1:52 retransition to the first theme

1:59 repetition of the exposition

3:25 Development

4:13 dominant preparation

4:42 recapitulation

4:42 first theme C minor

5:02 bridge

5:09 transition theme C minor

5:32 second theme C minor

5:47 bridge F minor

6.02 second theme C minor

6:10 Coda C----------> Eb major-----> C minor

Edited by Tortualex
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The exposition is a bit choppy measures 9 - 15. This doesn't seem to work well with the flow here.

I'm also not understanding the idea of the transition theme? Wouldn't just be simpler taking material you've already given and working with that to modulate/transition to the next section? That's how it typically works within this form style. 

The second theme is very video gamelike -almost reminds me of the old NES game soundtracks. I like it.

Measure 58 seems a bit abrupt of a textural change. I'd consider reworking that passage -or foreshadowing it. 

The development isn't bad. I'd of like to have seen a little more breakdown of your material. Your use of retrograde and inversion was a nice touch. I'm more of a fan of developing motivic units -and I see a few spots where you appear to tinker with that. 

All in all. Nice beginning sonata -and I love that you gave a breakdown for us to understand your thoughts. I might have to try that sometime.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, jawoodruff said:

The exposition is a bit choppy measures 9 - 15. This doesn't seem to work well with the flow here.

I'm also not understanding the idea of the transition theme? Wouldn't just be simpler taking material you've already given and working with that to modulate/transition to the next section? That's how it typically works within this form style. 

The second theme is very video gamelike -almost reminds me of the old NES game soundtracks. I like it.

Measure 58 seems a bit abrupt of a textural change. I'd consider reworking that passage -or foreshadowing it. 

The development isn't bad. I'd of like to have seen a little more breakdown of your material. Your use of retrograde and inversion was a nice touch. I'm more of a fan of developing motivic units -and I see a few spots where you appear to tinker with that. 

All in all. Nice beginning sonata -and I love that you gave a breakdown for us to understand your thoughts. I might have to try that sometime.

 

In the measure 9 I made some syncopation to Keep the things interesting, to be honest that part was almost improvised, but I like it so I kept it.  Measure 15 is just to introduce the triples that I used later in the piece, I used the Introduction to make an overall context of the piece, with the rythms and harmony. 

The Transition theme is just to give some spice to the piece, wouldn't be boring just to go to the relative major?, that's why I decided to explore the mediant minor, also I think the V I V I... Gives some drama to the piece. 

Also

Thanks for your feedback :3.

Edited by Tortualex

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Hmm.... measure 9 doesn't seem syncopated at all. If anything, you used rests to break up the flow of the piece -which, in and of itself, isn't a bad thing. Just was unexpected. Again, foreshadow the breaks. I like it -but for the flow of the piece up to that point, the breaks didn't make sense. 

Measure 15 isn't an issue at all -nor is the move to the median minor. Certainly, the repertoire is filled with examples of this. Perhaps what you could do is restate the main theme from the previous 15 bars and then introduce the transition theme as counterpoint to the main theme. That would get you primed up for syncopation -but do so in a way that also preps the listener for the melodic takeover by the more active transitory theme. I hope that makes sense?

I agree fully on mixing up the harmonic language for some drama -as my own works probably attest 😛

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2 hours ago, jawoodruff said:

Hmm.... measure 9 doesn't seem syncopated at all. If anything, you used rests to break up the flow of the piece -which, in and of itself, isn't a bad thing. Just was unexpected. Again, foreshadow the breaks. I like it -but for the flow of the piece up to that point, the breaks didn't make sense. 

Measure 15 isn't an issue at all -nor is the move to the median minor. Certainly, the repertoire is filled with examples of this. Perhaps what you could do is restate the main theme from the previous 15 bars and then introduce the transition theme as counterpoint to the main theme. That would get you primed up for syncopation -but do so in a way that also preps the listener for the melodic takeover by the more active transitory theme. I hope that makes sense?

I agree fully on mixing up the harmonic language for some drama -as my own works probably attest 😛

 

Most of my friends says that the Introduction sounds very latín because of the syncopation in the bass.

I didn't do counterpoint because Im pretty bad at it xd, it is something that I haven't practiced yet

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9 hours ago, Tortualex said:

Most of my friends says that the Introduction sounds very latín because of the syncopation in the bass.

That's what I felt, and thought it was intentional.

Anyway, I like what you composed here, it sounds pretty continuous and makes musical sense.

Welcome to the forum 🙂

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1 hour ago, Jean Szulc said:

That's what I felt, and thought it was intentional.

Anyway, I like what you composed here, it sounds pretty continuous and makes musical sense.

Welcome to the forum 🙂

 

Thanks :3

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In my opinion, going a bit out of the strict classic style is a plus. Because trying to repeat what the masters did is useless.

So, I don't think breaks, syncopations, etc..., are bad. In fact, to my ears the feeling at the beginning is classic but later is more romantic.

Nice work.

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