Nocturne in B Minor (String Quartet)

I wrote this a while back - the dissonance is somewhat intentional, but also I don't know if it needs some help. Thoughts? I was going for a Satie-esque vibe. Also, there is no bowing in the parts yet, if that confuses anyone XD.

I have attached the score, the Musecore soundfonts with quartet, and the piece with all instruments set to the piano for listening to harmonies.

Not a fan of a lot of these dissonances. Sounds like you're trying to write extended chords in a pseudo-tonal framework, but they really stand out to me as way too harsh and inconsistent, especially when there are normal cadences like in m. 8. i.e. parallel 7th's in m. 3, bizarre augmented sixth voicing with E and E# in m. 7.
The rhythmic stuff also seems a little too tedious. Satie likes repeated stuff sure, but each section boils itself down to one process a little too much, i.e. the quarters get repetitive (especially with repeat), the melody over chords at the end seems imbalanced compared to the rest of the piece's formal structure.

6 minutes ago, Monarcheon said:

Not a fan of a lot of these dissonances. Sounds like you're trying to write extended chords in a pseudo-tonal framework, but they really stand out to me as way too harsh and inconsistent, especially when there are normal cadences like in m. 8. i.e. parallel 7th's in m. 3, bizarre augmented sixth voicing with E and E# in m. 7.
The rhythmic stuff also seems a little too tedious. Satie likes repeated stuff sure, but each section boils itself down to one process a little too much, i.e. the quarters get repetitive (especially with repeat), the melody over chords at the end seems imbalanced compared to the rest of the piece's formal structure.

 

Now that you point it out, there is a lot of conflict in the chords. I'm not very experienced with writing for multiple instruments, so that resulted in some tinkering. I'll be sure to ponder this in future compositions. Thanks for the feedback!