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Greetings everybody here!

The following is another piece of work in the same set as the previous work: Miroirs et Fleur et de Lune.

This work is entitled as Jeux, trying to picture a game of light and dark, switching from dissonance to finally a pentatonic scale, a joy atmosphere at D major.

This work is finished in a rush, so... there might be a lot of flaws lol, so please comment on my work to help it become better 😀

 

 

 

Edited by John Doe
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On second listen with headphones I enjoyed it much more than at first.  I guess this is in the vein of many athematic impressionist pieces.  There are little motifs scattered throughout it though but I personally long for a long leading melodic line.  I noticed that you used contrabass clef at one point in the right hand which is so cool and despite being a dated clef quite practical since it's just like treble clef but two octaves lower.  I think my favorite moment is at meas. 44.  The ending feels a bit contrived to me though, but if you're happy with it, disregard as it might just be a matter of personal taste.  The way you treat the high register of the piano reminds me in many places of pointillism.  Or like the slow turning of a kaleidoscope.  Great work and thanks for sharing!

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9 hours ago, PeterthePapercomPoser said:

On second listen with headphones I enjoyed it much more than at first.  I guess this is in the vein of many athematic impressionist pieces.  There are little motifs scattered throughout it though but I personally long for a long leading melodic line.  I noticed that you used contrabass clef at one point in the right hand which is so cool and despite being a dated clef quite practical since it's just like treble clef but two octaves lower.  I think my favorite moment is at meas. 44.  The ending feels a bit contrived to me though, but if you're happy with it, disregard as it might just be a matter of personal taste.  The way you treat the high register of the piano reminds me in many places of pointillism.  Or like the slow turning of a kaleidoscope.  Great work and thanks for sharing!

 

Thanks for your detailed reply! The scattered motifs is something I wanted to imply inside the work, haha sorry if it doesn't match your taste! One little question is about the ending, like, I wanna know more about how is it contrived? No offense, just want to know more about the problem in the music. There I changed the dissonance to consonance instead to create the hints of the original motif, maybe I think is the transition from a relatively unease atmosphere to a sudden consonance making it feels very reluctant and arificial for the ending... Anyways, looking forward to your reply!

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4 hours ago, John Doe said:

One little question is about the ending, like, I wanna know more about how is it contrived?

Like I said, it might just be my perception/taste but I feel like the ending lacks subtlety.  The figuration you use coupled with the crescendo to a sforzando chord is like a giant "ta-da!" that is one of those things that seems like it would work for an ending on paper but leaves a poor impression (imo) in a piece with many subtleties and intricacies.  There just seems to be a mismatch between the type of ending you chose and the character of the rest of the piece that's all.

P.S.:  There's also not much build up to the ending.  Usually you can tell that a piece is going to end for quite a while before it does but in this piece it seems kind of sudden.  Don't know though how you'd go about fixing that.

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8 hours ago, PeterthePapercomPoser said:

Like I said, it might just be my perception/taste but I feel like the ending lacks subtlety.  The figuration you use coupled with the crescendo to a sforzando chord is like a giant "ta-da!" that is one of those things that seems like it would work for an ending on paper but leaves a poor impression (imo) in a piece with many subtleties and intricacies.  There just seems to be a mismatch between the type of ending you chose and the character of the rest of the piece that's all.

P.S.:  There's also not much build up to the ending.  Usually you can tell that a piece is going to end for quite a while before it does but in this piece it seems kind of sudden.  Don't know though how you'd go about fixing that.

 

Understand! Thanks for your comment! Ill try to work on that😀

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On 4/9/2022 at 1:39 PM, PeterthePapercomPoser said:

Like I said, it might just be my perception/taste but I feel like the ending lacks subtlety.  The figuration you use coupled with the crescendo to a sforzando chord is like a giant "ta-da!" that is one of those things that seems like it would work for an ending on paper but leaves a poor impression (imo) in a piece with many subtleties and intricacies.  There just seems to be a mismatch between the type of ending you chose and the character of the rest of the piece that's all.

I'd agree with this, and an easy solution would be to just chop off the last three measures. 

I really like this piece. You again show great usage of what the impressionistic palette is capable of. Lots of wonderful moments, and just when I was getting overwhelmed with the large swaths of color you gave the listener rest from it. You've showcased your talent really well here so far!

A piece of criticism I have though is there's not always a lot to hold onto. Yes you do use rhythmic motives (as complex as they are though), and yes I know you're going for a certain style, painting with tone reminiscent of Debussy and the like, but don't always be too complex about it. Make sure to give a bit of balance as well. Maybe you give a few measures to just the right hand, or maybe you explore melody a bit more. I know you're not trying to go for tunes that little kids could hum on the way home from school, but there's a lot to be said with balancing your complexities with something simple. Your wide sweeping arpeggios and faster passages would have a more dynamic and emotional impact if they were followed by a return to a simple theme. Just maybe something to think about for your future works. 

Regardless, I'm still a fan of yours and deeply impressed by your craftsmanship. Looking forward to hearing more from you, thanks for sharing!

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On 4/11/2022 at 12:35 PM, Thatguy v2.0 said:

I'd agree with this, and an easy solution would be to just chop off the last three measures. 

I really like this piece. You again show great usage of what the impressionistic palette is capable of. Lots of wonderful moments, and just when I was getting overwhelmed with the large swaths of color you gave the listener rest from it. You've showcased your talent really well here so far!

A piece of criticism I have though is there's not always a lot to hold onto. Yes you do use rhythmic motives (as complex as they are though), and yes I know you're going for a certain style, painting with tone reminiscent of Debussy and the like, but don't always be too complex about it. Make sure to give a bit of balance as well. Maybe you give a few measures to just the right hand, or maybe you explore melody a bit more. I know you're not trying to go for tunes that little kids could hum on the way home from school, but there's a lot to be said with balancing your complexities with something simple. Your wide sweeping arpeggios and faster passages would have a more dynamic and emotional impact if they were followed by a return to a simple theme. Just maybe something to think about for your future works. 

Regardless, I'm still a fan of yours and deeply impressed by your craftsmanship. Looking forward to hearing more from you, thanks for sharing!

 

Thanks for your detailed suggestions! In the matter of fact, the last three measures I was originally having a quiet ending, yet thinking it would not fit the scherzando feeling, so I ended up having a sf ending. I agree with you that it might make the balance go off, I should actually instead have a clear theme and extend the melody more. Appreciation for your ideas to let me know the inferior section and technique in the piece! I would definitely look into them in the future!

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