By Moonlight[Placeholder Title]

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted here...

Well, I with the exception of cleaning up a few things I know are wrong, and the thousands of things you other composers will tell me are wrong, I think I'm finally completely finished with the first half of my first Orchestral piece.

Now I haven't taken a music class since 8th grade (I'm a high-school sophomore now) so I know the piece is going to have some issues. But to me, even if everything I've written is awful, it's a great accomplishment.

Without further ado, you may take a look at the Score [PDF file]

(Don't ask why the PDF says "Trombone" instead of "Score") or

Listen to the MP3 I made from Finale 2009 + Garritan Sounds.

(The MP3 is from a slightly older version of the song--it's basically the same thing, though.)

Most importantly--- When you critique this, please please please, don't hold back at all!

PS- I encrypted the .PDF so you have to download it instead of just clicking "preview".

I think you missed out on expanding the theme you introduced at the start, which there is lots that could have been done. I dont think the last 2mins do anything for the piece, all i could see while listening to those last 2mins or so was an old black and white film with a monster coming into a house where a woman lies sleeping and the monster getting closer and closer. However if you meant that then great.

While listening to the start i could actually hear that melody being expanded and introduced into the whole orchestra as an alternative ending rather the one you did. You could actually improve upon that melody aswell, and harmonise it better.

Here is my suggestion in bar 7 you end the theme on the G with a tie, if it were me i would have gone up to the A at the start of bar 8, then repeated the theme on a piccolo, and that point i would have introduced more colourful orchestration to give the impression of moonlight.

Its a strong theme you have begin with and you could do so much more with it. If i had the time i would actually score it to let you hear what i mean.

Anyway good luck with composing.

Thanks for your suggestions--

Actually, your Monster-approaching-woman's-bedroom theory wasn't too off...The whole song is supposed to illustrate a story I stopped writing a while ago...The first two minutes is a basic introduction. It tells of two warring countries. (for the purposes of this explanation, Country A and B) Country A has won the war, and has forced Country B to retreat.

The second section of the piece-- Celebration-- tells of a festival one village in Country A has in honour of their country's great victory. The third section, (The scary-sounding one) tells of a group of soldiers from Country B who, in their fowl mood, decide to attack, rape, and pillage this village (tee-hee) before continuing with their retreat. I don't know if you noticed, but I corrupted a few of the melodies from "Celebration" and put them in this section....

The Second Half of the song begins with a slow, dirge-like corruption of the theme I introduced in the Prologue. From there, it moves on to tell of how a few surviving men from the village go out into the night, chasing after the soldiers responsible for the attack.

faced with an entire army, they inevitably perish.

The finale begins with the stringed instruments singing variations on the four notes I used to propel the piece into "Celebration". Then, other instruments gradually join into a much slower, and quieter version of "Celebration" (This is meant to depict how, years later, even though their emotional wounds haven't quite healed, the village continues to thrive)

The piece finally ends with...crap I haven't figured that out yet XD

Anyways, the point is I haven't completely forgotten the theme I started out with d(^_^d)

Oh boy,oh boy :headwall:

The piece wasnt bad that much, not a strong one in my opinion..but hey its your first orchestral piece...so I gave for the sound 3/5

But the score....oh my goooddd..several..no...MANY errors:

(You have to know that I write down these because I want to help you...)

- The score is so ridiculous..first of all take a look at the instruments order...you obviously dont know the proper order

.......................

Here it is:

- Piccolo

- Flute (2)

- Oboe (2)

- Clarinet (2)

- Bass Clarinet *

- Bassoon

- Ctr. Bassoon *

- Horn (4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

- Trumpet (3)

- Trombone (3)

- Bass Trombone *

- Tuba

- Violin 1st

- Violin 2nd

- Viola

- Cello

- Double-Bass

..............................

- Too much unison parts

- Very few divisi parts

- You divided the 2nd flute part...why? Than you should have signed it as

Flute I + II, Flute III

- In the Cello there are more divisi parts but you didnt singed it where to play divisi and where as double stops

- Lack of slurs

- There are more errors for sure but I didnt want to pay more attention to this piece more

You definitely dont know what you're doing, but since its your first orchestral composition its not a bad point...but that 'Arrenger' title under your name, its kinda fun :D

I can only suggest you to look at scores of the masters of the past and present, you can learn a lot...and look up books on counterpoint,harmony, orchestration...I've got very good ones in pdf if needed...and practise...practise takes the master :thumbsup: Peace.

It's clear you only have a vague grasp of percussion as well. Since you invited harshness (and since you locked the damn pdf for no reason) I shall now lay into you:

Timpani - you have a measure of 16th notes for the timpani - did you intend this to be a roll? At the tempo you have indicated, it would basically be the same. What you should do is write a whole note with the roll notation on it (three slashes).

In standard orchestras, the timpani won't go as low as you've written. Even the E you've got will generally sound muddy - F2 (the one under the bass clef staff) is generally a good low range for timpani. Also, you haven't got a clue as to playability of timpani parts - there will generally be just 4 drums, which means 4 notes at a time. Which also means if you want a 5th note you should give space (and preferably an indication) to switch one drum from one note to another.

Cymbals - it's expressly obvious that you simply dragged the note around on the staff until it made a sound you liked and then left it at that. You have to specify WHICH cymbal you want - crash, suspended, small, large - and if it's suspended, what to play it with (stick, soft mallet, etc). Also, what do the different noteheads indicate? No explanation of this whatsoever in your music. And keep in mind, if you intended those "x" notes to be crashes, they will be difficult to pull off sounding good at moderate to high speeds - keep crash cymbals generally one big crash at a big moment, and if other sounds are needed, try stick on a suspended cymbal.

So, Malexos, I think... well, scratch that... I have a 'vague impression' you're intending this nice, sweet walk by the lake hat turns into a nightmare with Swamp Thing or something coming out and trying to get your girlfriend. Maybe you're going more for the date at the carnival approach... nice Ferris Wheel ride, ice cream, cotton candy... then you enter the haunted house of mirrors and get sliced and diced. Am I even close?

Depending on what you're trying to do, I might have some ideas for you that don't pertain to your 'score writing' errors... which I always find very tedious to deal with when you're trying to understand the 'concept of the music you're attempting. I dunno, I work differently than others in my suggestions... but first, what's the dealio on this piece? Do you have something specific (or general effect, etc) you're going for here?

Thanks for the comments guys...they actually didn't sound harsh at all-- helpful actually.

First of all, I have no earthly idea how to write for percussion. Yes, pretty much whenever you see sixteenth notes for the Timpani, I mean to say "Roll" and yeah I just searched the staff until I found a cymbal sound I like XD

I've been meaning to actually learn how to write for percussion but I haven't found the time...

I printed the piece off yesterday and you'd be amazed at how many things I spotted just by having a carbon copy

@Antiatonality: I described the piece above, if that's what you're looking for.

Ah, well, I missed your description of the piece when you replied to Scriabin. My bad.

That's a pretty elaborate story to tell musically. I get the 'soldiers march in to attack, rape, and pillage this village' part. I also think there's a great deal more you can do musically, and you're really not going to need much 'theory' to do it.

To really get the 'medieval' feel of this Village A and B kind of thing, you could try taking some of the opening melodic material to the woodwinds. Having the strings pluck out some chords underneath, the melody with plucked (pizzicato) harmony in the beginning could save you some of that eighth note movement for the buildup to the 'Celebration' too. You could also add Harp to the plucking of the strings which would really give you more to work with in later points of the piece.

By all means, consider 'planing' some of those lines in the battle sections... planing is just taking a melodic line and 'stretching' it out to stacked thirds, fourths, and basically mixtures of different intervals. You could have winds and strings planing one of those lines, strings at something like octaves or even sevenths and winds in thirds and fourths sort of 'in the middle' of the lower and higher register.

These are just some more 'musical' suggestions you might consider. Or not. Anything you like, use it. Anything you don't... well, don't. I have plenty of ideas and suggestions along these lines, but if they're not very helpful to you I won't bother posting more.