Short SA piece with piano accompaniment

Hello everyone,

I've been working on setting this poem to music. It's meant to be singable by non-professional singers. This is my first time submitting anything here, and I am guessing there will be obvious possibilities I have overlooked or rules I have unwittingly broken. Constructive feedback for improving this piece, or suggestions for the future, or words of encouragement would be appreciated!

Edited December 24, 20187 yr by Violet

I'd take out the ossia and just leave whatever you actually want there.  In trying to be obliging to both voice ranges, you look uncertain.  Most altos have got the high notes and most sopranos have got the low ones you want to include, and teachers can always make an executive decision with a student to edit if it's necessary, but if a cheater note is already written into the score, what was going to be a teaching moment about how to open up your top range could become a lot of whining from a student that they want to do the other way.  

Sounds nice!

That is very helpful to know! Thank you!

This is really neat - lots of nifty harmonic stuff (especially that crunch at measure 17 - I really liked that)! I haven't written much for voice myself, so I probably won't be terribly helpful but I'll toss in my two cents regardless.

The one thing I was really missing was some rhythmic contrast between the soprano and alto. I know you said that this is meant for amateur vocalists, but even some simple rhythmic contrast like a quarter against 2 eigths might be interesting.

Besides that I don't have much else to say - there are some small technical things in your score (text collisions and the like) that you might want to move around, but that's nothing major. Also, you might want to reformat some of your piano stuff into two voices rather than trying to tie them together as chords (ex. measures 21-24, piano left hand). But again, nothing major.

Nice piece!

Edited December 18, 20187 yr by SuperTonic

Thanks so much for your thoughts! I hadn't given a lot of thought to varying the rhythm in the soprano vs. alto lines, so I am considering it. Correcting the score is in progress as well.

A nice piece. It's sufficiently short that it would work as written I reckon. A competent production would get some light and shade into a performance. I can't see any performance difficulty. Perhaps you should set another poem or two to make a set that would give you a longer performance slot.  

Thank you! I'm not sure what you mean by "A competent production would get some light and shade into a performance," but I appreciate  the feedback.

Well, to go into more detail it's the nuances in dynamics of individual notes, the possibilities of subtle pedalling. Perhaps greater contrast in the dynamics generally. It sounded as if what's there is a midi piano track which comes across very precise but can't reproduce the minutiae of a live performance. Given actual voices it's difficult to imagine it performed without more expressive dynamics. It's a lovely theme - hence I reckoned if performed by good amateurs it would be far more expressive, have a magical touch, if you like. Hope that clarifies. 

That does clarify a lot. Thank you!