July 30, 200718 yr Here's my new composition- an Agnus Dei. That's Latin for Lamb of God, and for those who don't know, is sung at Catholic Church services just before communion. The Latin words, for those who don't know, translated into English are: Lamb of God you take away the sins of the world have mercy on us. Lamb of God you take away the sins of the world have mercy on us. Lamb of God you take away the sins of the world grant us peace. Hope you enjoy! [ATTACH]7719[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]7720[/ATTACH]
July 30, 200718 yr Author I just read the Guidelines for this forum, and I guess I'm supposed to say a little more. I tried my best to keep the meter of the Latin words fit the accent of the music, but if you see any faults let me know. This is a sort of experimental composition on my part because it is the first time I've used secondary triads. Comments on my use of them would be greatly appreciated. I didn't take to long to compose this piece, mostly because the melody is repeated. Perhaps this made it a little boring, but I don't think it sounds that bad.
July 30, 200718 yr I notice for example that you have a higher note on "qui" than "tol-lis", which doesn't work to my ear nor eye. "Lamb of God WHO takes away the sins of the world..." the accent feels as though it is in the wrong place. you also have a high A on "no-BIS" at measure 18. High note + "i" sound = harder to sing and a bit "screemy" sounding. generally, avoid high climaxes on "closed" vowels - short I, long E yes, it's VERY blocky. If it were part of a longer work (a longer Agnus Dei) it might function as a "middle section" despite the blockiness. As a single piece (even a single movement of a complete mass) it really feels too blocky and square. On the words (again! sorry) I am also NOT convinced at all that the high and loud ending is the best thing for this text. I think I'd suggest going back to your thematic material and starting over (it shouldn't be so bad, since it's relatively short). The material is GOOD. It's not thematically wrong or anything, but to me it does not put the text to the fore. Try to set the high points of your melody to important moments in the text. For example, if I had the following text: "I love to go to the park and eat icecream" I would avoid accentuating the word "the" - it's not an important word in the text. likewise, the repeated "to" is not an important word (although it COULD be, depending on the particular text). I'd also avoid putting the highest note of the phrase on the sounds "eat" and "cream" because they are closed vowels. Hope some of this helps.
